e-Communication Advice... from Mom

I recall a piece of advice my mom gave me years ago, when I was in elementary school. After a crackdown on note writing in class where teachers would catch note passers and read notes aloud she said "don't ever write anything down on a piece of paper you wouldn't want read in front of the whole class." In this age of e-Communication, "don't write anything you wouldn't want read in front of the class" has turned into "don't write anything in an email, text or social networking site you don't want going across the worldwide web."

Innocent notes passed in class in 6th grade have turned into "sexting" inappropriate photos on cell phones and even worse online. Facebook and Twitter has people posting status updates as innocent as "I'm eating a sandwich" to the most intimate details of their relationships, a weekend party binge and everything in between. Ask any IT expert and they'll tell you delete doesn't really mean delete. Once is posted or sent, via phone or online, it's out there and can come back to haunt you. If its profound and good, all the better, but if its not, you have to live with it forever. Just ask any number of celebrities and politicians who have gotten caught with their pants down (so to speak) via cell phones, emails or internet postings and tweets.

I have a technique I've shared with my kids and others others that has worked for me and it's cheaper than therapy. When I was young, I found that whenever I was extremely passionate about something...either very happy, very sad, very angry etc, I would express it by writing it down. Most of the time, I would vent, cry, and rant and then, I'd go outside and light the paper I wrote everything on and watch it burn. The negativity would go up in smoke and I would mentally let it go. It now seems rather Zen-like. Hmmm maybe I was ahead of my time!

I believe its a technique that still works, although through the years I've adapted it to the computer. And I've adapted my mom's advice too. When I'm making a difficult decision I write down the pros and cons...whether it relates to a job, a money issue, or most importantly, how to talk to someone in your life about a difficult issue whether personal or professional. By writing everything down you get the chance to state your entire thought process with no interruption or argument. You can state and restate and then read it back and see how it might be taken if delivered that way. You can see how often you repeat yourself,(something I am guilty of) and even critique the way you handle yourself when upset, angry or struggling through something. Then...you can walk away from the document. Wait on it. Pray on it. Maybe for an hour, maybe 24. Often a good night sleep changes the way you look at something, and often what I felt 24 hours before just doesn't seem that important. Sometimes I read what I've written and think "wow" I came off like a maniac and I'm so glad I didn't have that conversation then! If it was a purchase I was considering, I often don't want it the next day, or, conversely, I still do, and feel better it wasn't an impulse.

In this age of instant communication, instant messaging instant status updates, and cell phones with us everywhere, we have a tendency to think something and say it, tweet it, post it, or text it...when working it through can be a lot less damaging. To ourselves, to our finances, and to our relationships.

Maybe the e could mean effective, educational and emotional and we'd all be communicating better.