Communication Advice... from Mom

I recall a piece of advice my mom gave me years ago, when I was in grade school school. After a crackdown on note writing in class where teachers would catch note passers and read notes aloud she said "don't ever write anything down on a piece of paper you wouldn't want read in front of the whole class." In this age of digital communication and Instant-everything, from texts to Facebook posts, Tweets, Snapchats, and email (which is almost old-school) the advice rings truer than ever, but now its "don't post anything  you don't want read across the world in an instant.",

Innocent notes passed in class in 6th grade have turned into "sexting".  Facebook,  Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat has kids who don't have the maturity to understand the consequence of their words and digital actions has them making mistakes that could follow them a lifetime. Online bullying is at an all time high with consequences that often end in life-change, or life-ending results. Anyone in IT will you delete doesn't really mean delete. Once is posted, tweeted or sent, it's out there forever, and can come back to haunt you. If its profound and good, all the better, but if its not... well,  ask any number of celebrities and politicians who have gotten caught with their pants down (so to speak).

So what to do when you have a thought, an opinion, a frustration that you just have to vent?

I have a technique I've shared with my kids and others others that has worked for me and it's cheaper than therapy. When I was young, I found that whenever I was extremely passionate about something...whether I was working through a decision, was very upset or sad, or especially angry with someone, I would express it by writing it down. On paper. Most of the time, I would vent, cry, and rant and then, I'd go outside and light the paper I wrote everything on and watch it burn. The negativity would go up in smoke and I would mentally let it go. It now seems rather Zen-like. Hmmm maybe I was ahead of my time!

I believe its a technique that still works, although through the years I've adapted it to the computer. When I'm making a difficult decision I write down the pros and cons...in a word document--not online or in an email or a post. Whether it relates to a job, a money issue, or more importantly, how to talk to someone about a difficult issue; personal or professional--writing your thoughts down gives you the chance to state your entire thought process with no interruption or argument. Then,  walk away from the document. Wait on it. Mediate on it. Pray on it. Maybe for an hour, maybe 24.

I often find when I re-read  my words, I can see how they may be taken if I was the recipient. I can edit your my message, see how often I repeat my point (something I am guilty of) and I see clearly the way I handle myself when upset, angry or struggling through something.  Sometimes I read what I've written and think "wow" I came off like a jerk and I'm so glad I didn't have that conversation then! If it was a purchase I was considering, I often don't want it the next day, or, conversely, I still do, and feel better it wasn't an impulse. Often, a good night sleep changes the way I look at something, and 24 hours later, it  just doesn't seem that important.

In this age of instant communication we need to slow down and work through it. Giving your thoughts more time can prevent a lot of damage.  To ourselves, our relationships, maybe even our finances. Maybe there are some things that were better about the way Mom use to do it.