After years in management, I've encountered many situations where one employee comes to me with an issue with another. When I listen to one side of the story, it seems like there is no other view and I understand completely why they are upset. Then, thinking I know the entire story, I sit down with the other person, and wow, amazing how there are two sides to every story.
I've tried to use this technique when mediating an argument in my personal life, in particular when dealing with fights between my kids. One would feel they are so completely right, and after hearing the other side, the same applies. I've learned, through parenthood and management (in fact, being a parent really helped me at work) that the very simplest technique in resolving conflict really and truly is the golden rule.
The toughest part in this philosophy is to live it myself. To practice what I preach. But the more I do it, the better it works, and it seems to help me release some anger and frustration when in a difficult situation.
When I find myself in a situation when I am upset with someone I try to pretend I am in their shoes. Sometimes, in my mind, I argue their point back to myself, taking their side. If someone is upset with something I said, I try to think about if someone said those words to me, how I might take it. I have found that maybe it's the context, or the history of conflicts in the past. Maybe you or they are bringing up old feelings with a current statement and maybe, just maybe the frustration has nothing to do with you. So many times, we personalize things, and make it all about "us" that we lose perspective on the argument. If, during a conflict, we were able to think about the others' life experience and what they might be feeling, it is amazing how you and they, can sometimes soften and the situation can be diffused.
I believe that people come into your life for a reason, and that even the worst circumstance can teach us something. I was reflecting on this recently after thinking about a person who came into my life a couple of years ago. Highly critical, defensive, and negative, this person found fault in almost every person and situation in his life. And because of his high IQ, he had an inability to see any view but his own because he thought he was always right.
Now that so much time has passed I can see the situation more clearly, and my experience with him while negative at the time, helped me grow and learn. It was dealing with him that taught me a lot about handling challenging and negative people. The ultimate lesson I learned from this person was that sometimes, no strategies work, and that walking away for good is often is the best and only solution.
Two people looking at a similar set of circumstances can draw completely different conclusions based on their life experiences. Two people can look at the same painting and see a completely different picture. The key to resolution might be to get each side to look at the situation from the others' point of view. To literally step into another's shoes for a minute and try to feel what they feel, face their circumstance. To think that maybe that person behind the counter snapping at us may be on no sleep because she is caring for an elderly parent.
Imagine if we could practice this strategy not only in our home, but in our workplace, our country and our world. Imagine if the parent yielding the fist had the view of the child looking up. If the criminal with the gun were standing behind the counter. If the prison guard were looking from behind bars. Imagine if leaders of a country viewed the world from the perspective of the people living in the town.
My prayer is that even if just for today, we imagine we are someone else. That just for today, we treated another exactly how we would want to be treated.
"Imagine all the people...living for today. You may say I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us. And the world will live as one." ~John Lennon
Monday, June 15, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Defending The Defenseless
Anyone who knows me knows I have a heart for animals. And while I am partial to dogs, my respect for living creatures goes beyond the pets we've had in our home over the years. I am blown away by things I've learned about the innate sensibilities of so many animals I've seen on various Nature Channel programs. From the long-lived family loyalty of the elephant, to the "mate for life" philosophy of geese, I think we humans can learn a lot from these supposedly "wild" creatures.
I've lived most of my life in selective blissful ignorance as to the plight of animals outside the "pet" world. I go to the grocery store and select my bacon, chicken, turkey or beef without much regard to how the meat got there. I just haven't wanted to think about it.
Now I know, and I can't turn away. Before you read on, please know that I am not one of those extremist, crazy PETA members. I am moderate in my views on most issues and take a very common sense approach to all things environmental and animal-rights involved. But now, to me, preventing horrendous animal cruelty is common sense. I have recently chosen to stop eating meat, but I respect that not everyone shares my feelings. You can still be a meat-eater and promote an anti-cruelty platform. My decision is less about choosing to not eat meat, than choosing to no longer support the inhumane and unhealthy practice of factory farming where 95% of the meat we eat comes from.
Even if you are not an animal lover you should be concerned about the beef and poultry supply you consume. Many researchers believe that the high incidence of cancer in the U.S is not from consuming red meat alone, but consuming red meat pumped with chemicals, antibiotics and hormones being shot into these animals on factory farms. It is thought that today's 9 to 12 year-old kids are developing way too early because of these hormones they are consuming. Additionally, the filth in which these animals are living affects the meat you eat.
Many people have a vision of cows grazing in the fields for years on grain and grass, and chickens roaming, cage-free in the chicken yard until they are humanely slaughtered in a clean kill. Maybe if I knew I was getting my meat, eggs and poultry from a free range farm where animals were treated well I may go back to my carnivorous ways. But in good conscious now, I can't.
Back in the days of our ancestors, this is how animals in our food chain were raised. Cattle roamed the land. Chickens were fed on grain. Pigs hung out with their moms and piglet siblings. farmers knew naturally the benefits of this lifestyle. And they learned to understand and respect these living creatures for the intelligent living beings that they are. Most farmers from "the old days" had a love and respect for animals, even to end.
Many people who have spent time with pigs compare them to dogs because they are friendly, loyal, sensitive and intelligent. Considered smarter than 3-year-old human children, pigs in their natural habitat will spend hours playing, lying in the sun, and exploring their surroundings with their powerful sense of smell. Now, 97 percent of pigs in United States today are raised on factory farms.
On factory farms, pigs spend their entire lives in cramped, filthy warehouses, under constant stress from the intense confinement and denied everything that is natural to them. As piglets, they are taken away from their mothers when they are less than 1 month old; their tails are cut off, their teeth removed and they are castrated all without any pain relief. The reason for tail removal? It is a sensitivity device. Pigs won't move around with no tail, as bumping into something causes excrutiating pain. They are forced to stand still. For years. Then, after spending their entire lives in overcrowded pens, their hair is removed in boiling water before their slaughter. Recently, 60 minutes aired an undercover documentary on a factory farm, showing workers laughing at the pigs squealing in pain.
The situation for factory chickens and turkeys isn't much better. They live in cramped cages, beaks removed and shot full of hormones and antibiotics so they become fatter, never leaving a cage from birth to slaughter. The meat we consume from cows is also artificially enhanced. For veal, the calf is removed from its mother at birth, placed in a dark box and pumped full of stuff you wouldn't want to know about to produce their tender taste.
So you're thinking "I feel bad about all this but what can I do?"
You can support legislation to prevent the insane cruelty to animals. Currently, cows, pigs, chickens, and any animal on a farm is considered property and as such they have no protection from any cruelty laws. You can support local farms who practice free range farming and a cage free lifestyle for poultry.
Or, you can give up meat.
Yeah, I know, here comes the age old argument that in requiring standards business will suffer. Some factories could go out of business and jobs lost. There is always a price to pay for doing the right thing. Yes, adding requirement for a factory adhere to environmental standards, or a car manufacturing company to do the same will cost money. And enacting laws to protect animals...and our food supply will also cost money.
But the cost of doing nothing long-term is much higher.
I've lived most of my life in selective blissful ignorance as to the plight of animals outside the "pet" world. I go to the grocery store and select my bacon, chicken, turkey or beef without much regard to how the meat got there. I just haven't wanted to think about it.
Now I know, and I can't turn away. Before you read on, please know that I am not one of those extremist, crazy PETA members. I am moderate in my views on most issues and take a very common sense approach to all things environmental and animal-rights involved. But now, to me, preventing horrendous animal cruelty is common sense. I have recently chosen to stop eating meat, but I respect that not everyone shares my feelings. You can still be a meat-eater and promote an anti-cruelty platform. My decision is less about choosing to not eat meat, than choosing to no longer support the inhumane and unhealthy practice of factory farming where 95% of the meat we eat comes from.
Even if you are not an animal lover you should be concerned about the beef and poultry supply you consume. Many researchers believe that the high incidence of cancer in the U.S is not from consuming red meat alone, but consuming red meat pumped with chemicals, antibiotics and hormones being shot into these animals on factory farms. It is thought that today's 9 to 12 year-old kids are developing way too early because of these hormones they are consuming. Additionally, the filth in which these animals are living affects the meat you eat.
Many people have a vision of cows grazing in the fields for years on grain and grass, and chickens roaming, cage-free in the chicken yard until they are humanely slaughtered in a clean kill. Maybe if I knew I was getting my meat, eggs and poultry from a free range farm where animals were treated well I may go back to my carnivorous ways. But in good conscious now, I can't.
Back in the days of our ancestors, this is how animals in our food chain were raised. Cattle roamed the land. Chickens were fed on grain. Pigs hung out with their moms and piglet siblings. farmers knew naturally the benefits of this lifestyle. And they learned to understand and respect these living creatures for the intelligent living beings that they are. Most farmers from "the old days" had a love and respect for animals, even to end.
Many people who have spent time with pigs compare them to dogs because they are friendly, loyal, sensitive and intelligent. Considered smarter than 3-year-old human children, pigs in their natural habitat will spend hours playing, lying in the sun, and exploring their surroundings with their powerful sense of smell. Now, 97 percent of pigs in United States today are raised on factory farms.
On factory farms, pigs spend their entire lives in cramped, filthy warehouses, under constant stress from the intense confinement and denied everything that is natural to them. As piglets, they are taken away from their mothers when they are less than 1 month old; their tails are cut off, their teeth removed and they are castrated all without any pain relief. The reason for tail removal? It is a sensitivity device. Pigs won't move around with no tail, as bumping into something causes excrutiating pain. They are forced to stand still. For years. Then, after spending their entire lives in overcrowded pens, their hair is removed in boiling water before their slaughter. Recently, 60 minutes aired an undercover documentary on a factory farm, showing workers laughing at the pigs squealing in pain.
The situation for factory chickens and turkeys isn't much better. They live in cramped cages, beaks removed and shot full of hormones and antibiotics so they become fatter, never leaving a cage from birth to slaughter. The meat we consume from cows is also artificially enhanced. For veal, the calf is removed from its mother at birth, placed in a dark box and pumped full of stuff you wouldn't want to know about to produce their tender taste.
So you're thinking "I feel bad about all this but what can I do?"
You can support legislation to prevent the insane cruelty to animals. Currently, cows, pigs, chickens, and any animal on a farm is considered property and as such they have no protection from any cruelty laws. You can support local farms who practice free range farming and a cage free lifestyle for poultry.
Or, you can give up meat.
Yeah, I know, here comes the age old argument that in requiring standards business will suffer. Some factories could go out of business and jobs lost. There is always a price to pay for doing the right thing. Yes, adding requirement for a factory adhere to environmental standards, or a car manufacturing company to do the same will cost money. And enacting laws to protect animals...and our food supply will also cost money.
But the cost of doing nothing long-term is much higher.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
When You Have Kids Of Your Own...
"Someday you'll understand. Someday, when you have kids of your own". I remember hearing those words from my mom. And I remember the first time the revelation hit me that she was right.
It was one of those times when my daughter asked me if she could go somewhere and do something I just didn't feel good about. I don't remember the exact circumstance, but I remember the feeling. I said "no" and had to not only suffer through the tears and hurt of a disappointed child, but also the recollection of my mom's words.
I was never one of those "because I said so" parents. I always tried to explain my reasoning, even if they never understood it. I recall the many times I tried to change my mom or dad's mind after they said their initial "no". They too, would explain their reasoning, but it was never good enough for me. If they said they didn't want me hanging around this or that kid, I assured them of that child's character. If they said they didn't feel like I'd be safe, I'd give them enough facts to underwrite an insurance policy. Adult supervision? Heck, they probably hired security! But my mom's intuition was stronger than anything I was selling, and she would end it with..."someday you'll understand. Someday, when you have kids of your own."
End of discussion.
By the time I had kids of my own I figured there would be no pulling the wool over my eyes. Although I'm sure they did more times than I'd want to know. And there were so many times I said no, gave my reasons and after the words and the sales pitches and the arguments and finally the tears of disappointment subsided, I would say those words and realize that I guess it is inevitable: women do eventually turn into our mothers! Whether it was the toddler years, the elementary school years, the teens or into college, I've learned parenting can leave you feeling pretty unpopular with your kids sometimes. Those times when you say no when they want a yes. Those times when they want approval, and you can't give it. You want them to understand that it is out of a complete and total unequivacle love that you are making the decision you are.
At different times my girls have told me that I am their best friend, and while I appreciate the sentiment behind those words because I know they are expressing the bond we have, I tell them I don't really want to be their best friend. I tell them they have plenty of friends, but they only have one mother. I earned that title, I'm proud of that title, and it's the most important role I have in life; so being a friend can be a sidebar. I'm their mom, and someday they'll understand how important that is.
Someday...when they have kids of their own.
It was one of those times when my daughter asked me if she could go somewhere and do something I just didn't feel good about. I don't remember the exact circumstance, but I remember the feeling. I said "no" and had to not only suffer through the tears and hurt of a disappointed child, but also the recollection of my mom's words.
I was never one of those "because I said so" parents. I always tried to explain my reasoning, even if they never understood it. I recall the many times I tried to change my mom or dad's mind after they said their initial "no". They too, would explain their reasoning, but it was never good enough for me. If they said they didn't want me hanging around this or that kid, I assured them of that child's character. If they said they didn't feel like I'd be safe, I'd give them enough facts to underwrite an insurance policy. Adult supervision? Heck, they probably hired security! But my mom's intuition was stronger than anything I was selling, and she would end it with..."someday you'll understand. Someday, when you have kids of your own."
End of discussion.
By the time I had kids of my own I figured there would be no pulling the wool over my eyes. Although I'm sure they did more times than I'd want to know. And there were so many times I said no, gave my reasons and after the words and the sales pitches and the arguments and finally the tears of disappointment subsided, I would say those words and realize that I guess it is inevitable: women do eventually turn into our mothers! Whether it was the toddler years, the elementary school years, the teens or into college, I've learned parenting can leave you feeling pretty unpopular with your kids sometimes. Those times when you say no when they want a yes. Those times when they want approval, and you can't give it. You want them to understand that it is out of a complete and total unequivacle love that you are making the decision you are.
At different times my girls have told me that I am their best friend, and while I appreciate the sentiment behind those words because I know they are expressing the bond we have, I tell them I don't really want to be their best friend. I tell them they have plenty of friends, but they only have one mother. I earned that title, I'm proud of that title, and it's the most important role I have in life; so being a friend can be a sidebar. I'm their mom, and someday they'll understand how important that is.
Someday...when they have kids of their own.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Ramblings On Akron: My Hometown
Last night I was reminded (once again) of just one of the many reasons I love my hometown. An evening spent at the Northside listening to live music from a great band reminded me of the rich music heritage that exists in our little corner of the the Akron/Kent/Cleveland world. I grew up here, and like many of my friends, have gone through stages of lovin' it and wanting to move. Although I admit that most of the "wanting to move" reasons hit me in February!
I was at Kent State during the heyday of the "New Wave" scene in the late 70's and early 80's, and regularly hung out at JB's to see The Numbers Band, Unit 5, The Action, and Hammer Damage to name just a few of the local bands who played the bars during those years. I also recall an amazing country/rock band, Buckeye Biscuit, as well as one of the great blues guitarists who still plays around, Frankie Starr. Of course our area also has its claim to fame with artists that went on to be downright famous in various genres: Chrissie Hynde, Jim Brickman, Tracy Chapman, Eric Carmen, and others, but last night was a real treat, because I sat and watched some amazing local players who gathered together for a jam session under the name of "The Mid-Life Chryslers".
The Chryslers, with Akron native Mark Lee Shannon and a guy you might have heard of: Michael Stanley also featured a cast of great players, most of whom have played together in various Michael Stanley projects. This formation treated us to a blend of rock and blues, featuring some of Marc's originals as well as covers of classic rock and blues songs from Sly and The Family Stone, to The Rolling Stones, Clapton and tons more. Paul Christensen was exceptional on sax. Marc's passionate guitar playing and vocals were soulful. And Michael had a few blistering guitar solos himself. It was a great evening of music.
One of the highlights of the night for me was non-musical. I met one of the owners of the Northside, Michael Owen, who gave me and my friend the rich history of the building that is home to the club. The rooms above have been lovingly restored and contain an artist colony featuring boutiques and galleries upstairs. The galleries are housed in a myriad of small rooms, one after another that in Akron's historical heyday, was a brothel. Each of those rooms were used for, well...you get it. Across the street in another historical building is a glass blowing gallery. And of course, the famous Akron institution Luigi's is right next door to the Northside!
As Michael talked about his "neighborhood" on this little block of downtown Akron, he made me smile. He said Akron has all you need. it's a small big town--or a big small town, and it has at least "one" of everything you'd want to do. From every genre of live music, to live theatre, to art galleries, museums and such. It's just that once you do it, you have to keep going back to the same place!
Working in radio, I am blessed to see a lot of live music. But there is nothing like watching a gathering of exceptional musicians who are playing because they just love to play--having the kind of fun you can feel in an intimate setting like the Northside.
To quote a famous MSB song "This is My Town"...Akron. And I don't have to apologize that I grew up here, raised my girls here, and am still gainfully employed here (Thank God) And I fell in love with it again last night.
And oh, the weather helps too.
I was at Kent State during the heyday of the "New Wave" scene in the late 70's and early 80's, and regularly hung out at JB's to see The Numbers Band, Unit 5, The Action, and Hammer Damage to name just a few of the local bands who played the bars during those years. I also recall an amazing country/rock band, Buckeye Biscuit, as well as one of the great blues guitarists who still plays around, Frankie Starr. Of course our area also has its claim to fame with artists that went on to be downright famous in various genres: Chrissie Hynde, Jim Brickman, Tracy Chapman, Eric Carmen, and others, but last night was a real treat, because I sat and watched some amazing local players who gathered together for a jam session under the name of "The Mid-Life Chryslers".
The Chryslers, with Akron native Mark Lee Shannon and a guy you might have heard of: Michael Stanley also featured a cast of great players, most of whom have played together in various Michael Stanley projects. This formation treated us to a blend of rock and blues, featuring some of Marc's originals as well as covers of classic rock and blues songs from Sly and The Family Stone, to The Rolling Stones, Clapton and tons more. Paul Christensen was exceptional on sax. Marc's passionate guitar playing and vocals were soulful. And Michael had a few blistering guitar solos himself. It was a great evening of music.
One of the highlights of the night for me was non-musical. I met one of the owners of the Northside, Michael Owen, who gave me and my friend the rich history of the building that is home to the club. The rooms above have been lovingly restored and contain an artist colony featuring boutiques and galleries upstairs. The galleries are housed in a myriad of small rooms, one after another that in Akron's historical heyday, was a brothel. Each of those rooms were used for, well...you get it. Across the street in another historical building is a glass blowing gallery. And of course, the famous Akron institution Luigi's is right next door to the Northside!
As Michael talked about his "neighborhood" on this little block of downtown Akron, he made me smile. He said Akron has all you need. it's a small big town--or a big small town, and it has at least "one" of everything you'd want to do. From every genre of live music, to live theatre, to art galleries, museums and such. It's just that once you do it, you have to keep going back to the same place!
Working in radio, I am blessed to see a lot of live music. But there is nothing like watching a gathering of exceptional musicians who are playing because they just love to play--having the kind of fun you can feel in an intimate setting like the Northside.
To quote a famous MSB song "This is My Town"...Akron. And I don't have to apologize that I grew up here, raised my girls here, and am still gainfully employed here (Thank God) And I fell in love with it again last night.
And oh, the weather helps too.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Faith and Religion: Reflections for Easter
I have never doubted my faith. Raised in a traditional Catholic family by parents who lived what they believed, I always knew there was a God. As I got older, I went through the phases most of us go through. Questioning the doctrine, or what I perceived to the "rules and regulations" that made up the Catholic Church. In college, and in my young adult life, I went from trying various churches and denominations, to not going to church at all. Marriage and children had me running back to the Church, wanting to instill the faith and value system I grew up with into my children.
I worked in Christian radio for 5 years before coming to my current job, and I was exposed not only to some of the greatest music in the world (along with country music of course) but also a great many faith-filled men and women. I was also exposed to more churches over those 5 years than I ever had been in my life. Not only the various denominations inside the umbrella of Christianity, but also non-denominational churches. And on this Easter Sunday morning, as I read the various scriptural accounts of the disciples of the events that happened on that Sunday over 2000 years ago, I reflect on the strength of my faith, and the weakness of my religion.
I think of the many sermons I've absorbed that were different interpretations of the very same passage. I think about the tolerance of one religion's stance on an issue and another's lack of tolerance on that same issue, and I smile and think "who has it right?". Could it be that this great God of ours has allowed there to be so many different paths to the same destination because He knows how different we all are? I think many of the men and women who think they have it all figured out will get to heaven and look over on the left, and see the Jew, the Methodist, the Pentecostal, the Charismatic, and the Orthodox, and then look to the right and see the Lutheran, the Catholic, and the Baptist; and ahead to the man or woman who never went to any church at all and say "Hmmm, they made it too!". And the Three Who Are One will just smile along with us, and impart the ultimate understanding to us all.
For me, today is a day to focus on those things that unite us. To reflect on the strength of my faith and on the weakness of my religion. And to ask for continued help on this journey I'm on. I don't know much, but I do know this: I believe the various accounts of what was written down and passed along through the ages. Because even through thousands of translations the message remains the same. I especially love the Easter passage of the women who ran to the tomb on Sunday morning and were greeted by the Angel who said:
“Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.” Matthew 28: 5-7.
The Easter Season begins today.
Happy Easter.
I worked in Christian radio for 5 years before coming to my current job, and I was exposed not only to some of the greatest music in the world (along with country music of course) but also a great many faith-filled men and women. I was also exposed to more churches over those 5 years than I ever had been in my life. Not only the various denominations inside the umbrella of Christianity, but also non-denominational churches. And on this Easter Sunday morning, as I read the various scriptural accounts of the disciples of the events that happened on that Sunday over 2000 years ago, I reflect on the strength of my faith, and the weakness of my religion.
I think of the many sermons I've absorbed that were different interpretations of the very same passage. I think about the tolerance of one religion's stance on an issue and another's lack of tolerance on that same issue, and I smile and think "who has it right?". Could it be that this great God of ours has allowed there to be so many different paths to the same destination because He knows how different we all are? I think many of the men and women who think they have it all figured out will get to heaven and look over on the left, and see the Jew, the Methodist, the Pentecostal, the Charismatic, and the Orthodox, and then look to the right and see the Lutheran, the Catholic, and the Baptist; and ahead to the man or woman who never went to any church at all and say "Hmmm, they made it too!". And the Three Who Are One will just smile along with us, and impart the ultimate understanding to us all.
For me, today is a day to focus on those things that unite us. To reflect on the strength of my faith and on the weakness of my religion. And to ask for continued help on this journey I'm on. I don't know much, but I do know this: I believe the various accounts of what was written down and passed along through the ages. Because even through thousands of translations the message remains the same. I especially love the Easter passage of the women who ran to the tomb on Sunday morning and were greeted by the Angel who said:
“Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here; for He is risen, as He said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, and indeed He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him. Behold, I have told you.” Matthew 28: 5-7.
The Easter Season begins today.
Happy Easter.
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