Carrying The Weight

I've been single for 5 years now. I've gone on a lot of dates, met some terrific people, made some great friends, and have even fallen in love once. These experiences have been enlightening, and have taught me not only what I want, but more importantly, what I don’t want out of love, life and a long-term relationship should I ever decide to share my life with someone again.

During this time, there are 2 words I’ve heard people use interchangeably: Baggage and Issues. I’ve heard the warnings: “Stay away from that one…too much baggage”. “Look out…he’s got more issues than Newsweek” as if the two were the same. They are not.

Most people would describe baggage as an ex, kids, extended family, caregiving issues with aging parents, maybe even some health issues. No doubt there can be challenges dating someone with these things in their lives. However, if someone has relationship-related baggage that comes in the form of friends, children, extended family and co-workers, I'll pay the price.

Some people, on the outside, seem like they have all together. But on the inside their victim mentality, self-focus, critical nature and challenging personality leave them with plenty of issues but very little baggage in the form of strong family ties, lasting relationships or long-time friends.

I’d much rather be with someone who’s baggage involves spending time nuturing a relationship with their kids; putting them first. Someone who takes care of a sick parent, or who makes their extended family—even if somewhat dysfunctional, a priority. Someone who has friendships that might compete for their time. Baggage that leaves someone comfortable enough in their own skin they don’t “need” another to be complete is a good thing.

You can't live 40-some years and not have some baggage. Each of us has at least a back pack or carry-on; plus one or two we’re allowed to check as long as they don’t exceed the weight limit. And then there are those of us who have to pay extra for bags that are over the limit of what is seemingly acceptable.

I'd rather travel the world with someone with a few bags than someone with a light load. People with light baggage often have heavy issues.