What Are You Waiting For?

I had another one of those moments. You know, the ones. You feel like you've had an epiphany, and you swear you'll keep that feeling, and learn from it and be forever changed. Until life gets in the way and that feeling slowly drifts away, and you go back to the day-to-day.

It happened on my getaway weekend to Florida. While enjoying time with my family, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face and the vitamin D replenishing in my body, the phone rang. My sister's dear friend had been diagnosed with cancer. She was in the hospital, and my sister was soon on the next plane to be at her friend's bedside. As I sat in the sunshine offering prayers of strength and healing; I drifted back to a time when I sat at my husband's side while he fought his brave battle with cancer, and I began to think "what am I waiting for?"

After Phil died, I made a 4-year plan. I was going to get my girls through their teenage years, through high school and into college. And then, I would start to think about my life. After my second one left for college, I found myself thinking "I'll get them through college, and then I'll do some of the things I want to do."

I remember a post on a support group site I was on, where a woman expressed her regret at something she found in her drawer after her husband's death: A sexy Victoria Secret nightie she had never worn, still with its tags. She had bought it to wear on a romantic weekend away that some unforeseen event prevented them from taking. Her husband asked her more than once to wear it, but she kept saying she wanted to save it for another weekend away. Save it for something special.

What was she waiting for?

I put off things I want to buy or don't go on vacations or take more time away from work with family and friends. I say it's because of work, groceries, car and mortgage payments or tuition. And while it's all in the name of responsibility, and I say I'm planning for the future, maybe its an excuse. Maybe the future should be NOW. I've watched people around me, the same age, or maybe 5 or 10 years older than me work and work and say "I'll do this, or that or travel when I retire" and then drop dead of a heart attack or die of cancer never having the chance.

What are we waiting for?

I've had another epiphany, and this time, I am going to pay attention. I'm not waiting anymore. I know the economy is bad. I get that we shouldn't spend money on things we can't afford...but life really is too short. I'm going to live for today. I'm going to use the good china for everyday dinners. I'm going to use the guest towels all the time. I'm going to invite people over, and not worry if the house isn't clean. I'm going to open my mind, my heart and even my wallet, (ever so responsibly) and spend some of the money I work so hard to make. I'm going to de-clutter, de-stress and just plain simplify. Because you can't take it with you.

Erma Bombeck wrote a piece several years ago that I just love called "If I Had My Life To Live Over." In it were gems like this: "I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because I just had my hair done. I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime."

I'm going to live my life and have some fun. Wanna join me? And if you are hesitating...

What are you waiting for?