I received a number of emails and more than a few humorous stories in response to my Wacky World Of Online Dating blog from a couple weeks back. I heard mostly from men, who, I suspect, wanted to point out that it's not just men who give not-so-good first impressions. So, I thought I'd share a few of the stories.
Sam (I've changed the names to protect the innocent) told me he had more than his fair share of interesting first and last dates. After a few photo and email exchanges he really enjoyed meeting one woman over coffee. He really liked her. She was cute, funny, and thankfully honest enough to admit she was married. Unhappily, (obviously) but still, married. He said he was at least appreciative she told him that right away, rather than a few dates in.
Another woman he went out with got so drunk on the first date that she threw up in his car. Yet another took a phone call during dinner, and proceeded to engage in a 3 way conference call with her mom and her brother'¦who happened to be making the call from prison. He gave up on online dating.
Gary shared the story of a woman who he dated for over 8 months. He really cared about her and thought it was getting serious. He was sure it was exclusive, too, until the morning (after he stayed at her place) she took a call from, you guessed it, her other boyfriend. She admitted then she had been seeing him and another the whole time.
Mark told me a story of a woman he took to dinner. She ordered her second glass of wine before he made a dent in his first, and by the time he ordered his 2nd, he lost track of what glass she was on, but he was sure she was ahead of him 2 to 1 easily. After dinner she suggested they move to the bar and she ordered yet another glass of wine. Against his better judgment, he carried the drink he was nursing from the table to the bar and waited while she went to the bathroom. She never came back.
My own experiences have not been as dramatic as any of these. Although I've met a number of people that I didn't necessarily click with romantically, I've met some really nice guys, and remain friends with a few of them. I've really only had 2 bad experiences.
The first was a guy who made a great first impression. He was a nice looking, intelligent, executive-type guy that I thought had potential after our initial meeting. After an enjoyable dinner on what was our second meeting but first real date, he grabbed me as I was getting in the car. His attempt at a kiss was aggressive and akward... was the wrong moment, the wrong approach, the wrong everything. I got home to an email inviting me to go away with him for weekend for "more of what we just shared." Yuck. What we "shared" was awful. After sending him a polite note telling him I didn't think we were a fit, he continued to email and call for weeks. Kindof scary.
Another guy that was charming on date 1, so I went on date 2, when he told me he was still living with his ex-girlfriend. They had separate rooms, he explained, and both were dating others. He wanted to know if that would bother me.
By far, the biggest complaint I hear from men and women about online dating is that there is a fair amount of misrepresentation. Many people found they met someone who looked nothing like their posted photo. Others stretch the truth about their age, living situation, relationship or financial status.
There are success stories, though. I know someone who met a woman on eharmony and they've been dating almost a year. Another friend told me a success story that should be used on one of those TV commercials. His wife's sister was widowed, and through an online dating service, she met and married a wonderful man. He shared that the widowed mom had just married off her second daughter, and this man, now her husband, made a wonderful toast that honored the girls' father and his memory, and how he was there in spirit. That one success story gave me hope that there are still wonderful men (and women) out there and on or off line, if it's meant to happen, it'll happen.
Although there is no real way to insure you won't have a bad experience, and meet someone who has misrepresented themselves online, that is certainly also the case if you met someone at random, in person or, especially at a bar. One might argue online can be safer because there is some level of screening you can do before you meet.
Every year, tens of thousands of people get married as a result of meeting on an online dating service. If you choose to try online dating, below are some tips to stay safe and get the most from your online dating experience from www.onlinedatingmagazine.com
1. Arrange to meet him.
When meeting for the first time, never allow your date to pick you up from your home. In fact, your date shouldn't even know your home address yet!
2. Meet in public places.
For a first meeting, always meet in a public place where other people are in close proximity. You may also want to consider going out with a group of people, or a double date.
3. Go dutch by paying half of the bill.
It's always respectful for the man to offer to pay the bill. Unfortunately, some men ruin the gesture by expecting something in return. Therefore it may not be a bad idea for you to go dutch. Pay half the bill so that you won't feel under any obligation to "return" the favor.
4. Remember that alcohol affects your judgment.
The biggest threat to a person's judgment, when on a date, is alcohol. Not only does it affect your judgment, but alcohol also lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don't get so drunk that you don't know what you are doing. Better yet, try to avoid alcohol on your first date.
5. Use your own mode of transportation.
Provide your own transportation to your public meeting place and make sure you have more than enough gas.
6. Don't assume that a man is safe.
It's important never to let your guard down when on a first date. Never assume a man is safe just because he claims to be religious or a gentleman.
7. Don't let him know where you live.
If you want to see him again, arrange a second date and then take it from there.
8. Avoid secluded areas.
Remember - stay in a public place for your first date and avoid secluded areas such as parks.
9. Listen to your gut.
If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven't met him before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn't feel right, then leave immediately.
10. Always let someone else know where you're going. Be sure someone knows where you are going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
11. Give him your cell phone number.
It's safer to give out a cell phone number instead of your home phone number because someone armed with your home phone number can go online and easily find out what your home address is.
12. Always remain alert.
Even if you're having a blast and the chemistry is great, it's a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cell phone on you.
Dating safely is very important. In the initial stages of dating and online dating, you are still getting to know someone you know very little about. By creating a safe environment to know the person, you're creating a better situation for yourself.
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