In The Blink Of An Eye

I've heard it said time and again, and now, I'm telling any parent who'll listen what my mom said to me: "I know it seems like time is going slowly now, but appreciate these times , because you'll blink and your babies will be off to college."

I blinked.

My eldest left last week. My youngest got her driver's license the day before. One week, I let go of my first born, sending her across the country to school in California. The next, I let go of my baby, watching as she pulled out of the driveway for the first time without me in the car.

Nothing could have prepared me for the feelings I had...and still have right now. It's a strange mix of loss and sadness, pride and exhilaration; of worry and concern, all rolled into one.

Elise and Laura with their voice teacher, Lucy

For both of them, I am excited. I remember the sense of freedom I felt the first time I drove alone. And I remember how I felt spending those first few days "on my own" in my dorm. I am happy for both my girls and excited for all they have in front of them. Yet I feel a sense of trepidation. I worry about them. I want them to be safe. I want them to make good decisions. I want them to be happy. And for me, how I will fare through yet another transition in my life? How will I do missing one now, and knowing the next one will be gone in another year?

A little over 5 years ago we were the "perfect" family of 4: mom, dad and 2 kids. My husband fought bravely for a year after his diagnosis before succumbing to cancer. And then there were 3. At 10 and 12, my sweet, beautiful daughters had to experience a loss that forced them to grow up a little more quickly than many of their peers. But through their grief they have developed a maturity and compassion beyond their years. I am proud of the young women that have become.

The house feels a little emptier now. And Laura said to me when we came home from leaving Elise in San Francisco "and then there were two". Although I know we will all be together for the holidays and summers, somehow, I know it will never be quite the same. It wasn't for me after I left for college. But not being the same doesn't mean it's not good. Life is about changing, adapting, growing, and learning. And if we don't go through those growing pains we can't reap the benefits of what's on the other side.

Appreciate the time you have with your kids...because in the blink of an eye...