Carrying The Weight

I've been single for 5 years now. I've gone on a lot of dates, met some terrific people, made some great friends, and have even fallen in love once. These experiences have been enlightening, and have taught me not only what I want, but more importantly, what I don’t want out of love, life and a long-term relationship should I ever decide to share my life with someone again.

During this time, there are 2 words I’ve heard people use interchangeably: Baggage and Issues. I’ve heard the warnings: “Stay away from that one…too much baggage”. “Look out…he’s got more issues than Newsweek” as if the two were the same. They are not.

Most people would describe baggage as an ex, kids, extended family, caregiving issues with aging parents, maybe even some health issues. No doubt there can be challenges dating someone with these things in their lives. However, if someone has relationship-related baggage that comes in the form of friends, children, extended family and co-workers, I'll pay the price.

Some people, on the outside, seem like they have all together. But on the inside their victim mentality, self-focus, critical nature and challenging personality leave them with plenty of issues but very little baggage in the form of strong family ties, lasting relationships or long-time friends.

I’d much rather be with someone who’s baggage involves spending time nuturing a relationship with their kids; putting them first. Someone who takes care of a sick parent, or who makes their extended family—even if somewhat dysfunctional, a priority. Someone who has friendships that might compete for their time. Baggage that leaves someone comfortable enough in their own skin they don’t “need” another to be complete is a good thing.

You can't live 40-some years and not have some baggage. Each of us has at least a back pack or carry-on; plus one or two we’re allowed to check as long as they don’t exceed the weight limit. And then there are those of us who have to pay extra for bags that are over the limit of what is seemingly acceptable.

I'd rather travel the world with someone with a few bags than someone with a light load. People with light baggage often have heavy issues.

Easter Resolution

Although New Year’s Day is the first holiday of the year, because it follows Christmas and is in the dead of winter, to me it never really felt like the new beginning it was suppose to. I was never much of a new year’s resolution person anyway, so to me it was the day to clean up after the old year!

Easter Sunday, however, represents New Beginnings to me. To Christian Believers, Easter Sunday is the most celebrated of all Christian holdiays, because the concept of Easter is the foundation of our faith.

That Jesus Christ was born, lived for 30 some years and died can be documented through the writings of his followers. There are many who may not believe that this man was the son of God but concede that there was an historical Jesus who walked the earth and did great things: as a healer, teacher/rabbi, and philosopher. They concede that He was seen to be a threat to those in charge, so they arrested him as though he were a common criminal on a Thursday, tortured him through the next several hours; crucified him on Friday and laid him in a tomb, hoping that would be the end of it.

If the story ended there, however, we wouldn’t still be talking about it some 2000 years later. If he really was "just a great man" who like so many others, lived and died in a tumultuous time under the oppressive Roman rule of that day, why did His story capture the hearts and minds of so many that even to this day they put their lives at risk for their faith in Him?

The story didn’t end on that Friday because Easter Sunday happened. Easter Sunday is the foundation of the Christian faith, because the basis of Christianity is not just that this man Jesus Christ lived and died, but that he overcame death when He rose on Easter Sunday.

Today, to me represents New Beginnings, and although the weather is not cooperating, it feels like the beginning of Spring and the beginning of a new year. So, I am going to take this opportunity to make and work to keep a few resolutions that I didn’t make on New Year’s Day; to improve my life and the lives of those around me that I can affect. To work hard to make the world a better place, with something as simple as a smile or a random act of kindness, or something larger that I may not know is coming until God puts it in front of me.

Want to join me in this resolution?

Happy Easter.

My Road Trip During The Storm of ’08

We all have a "how I survived the snowstorm of '08 story". Yours may involve a stranger lending a hand…or a shovel. Or, maybe you were one of the many stranded at an airport, or on the road.

My story began as a business trip last Tuesday. WQMX morning show co-host Shannon Alexander and I were set to leave for Nashville for the Country Radio Seminar (CRS); a 4 day convention. CRS was to kick off Wednesday morning with a breakfast session with Garth Brooks, but we wanted to get in Tuesday night for a party Warner Brothers was hosting that included an intimate performance by Randy Travis.

It may be hard to recall, but that Tuesday (before the Friday snow began) we had another weather event. Rain was turning to ice and snow and we had winter weather advisory in effect. That morning we learned our flight was cancelled. Our staff meteorologist Tony Jackson from the weather channel tracked the storm for us, however, and he assured us once we're south of Akron, the driving for our route was good, so Shannon and I decided to make it a girls' road trip. Our co-workers thought we were crazy to drive, but we looked smart when we got there by Tuesday night and made it to the party…while flights out of Cleveland were cancelled or delayed for the next 2 days. Our boss Nick Anthony didn't get in until Wednesday night.

We had an amazing 4 days of music, fun and, believe it or not, learning how to improve our craft via educational sessions and seminars along with the wonderful experience and hanging with some of country music finest (but that's for another blog). The survival story came when it was time to go home.

The storm that was about to hit was making national news. Interestingly, its projected path from the south was pretty much our exact path—from Nashville to Akron. In Nashville, warnings started Thursday nigh when the local news told viewers to get to the store and stock up to prepare for 3-5 inches of snow, the most they'd seen in years. Being from Northeast Ohio…we scoffed. 5 inches? Ha! But they have no snow removal equipment, no salt, so 5 inches was a big deal in Nashville. Heck, they cancel school at the mere prediction of a snowflake! The real story, however, was what was brewing from Columbus to Cleveland.

By Friday night the predictions were bleak. Some left early to catch a flight, and that may have been smart. By Saturday the snow began and all flights to Cleveland were cancelled. In fact, they were cancelling Sunday's flight as well, and Cleveland's airport was closed. Most travelers to Cleveland didn't make it home until Monday night.

Shannon and I figured we made it down safely so darn it—we'd make it back. Besides, we had driven my trusty RAV 4 SUV there, so we had no choice but to drive it home. Nick decided to join us because 1) his flight was cancelled and 2) I think he was worried about us and felt there was safety in numbers. So off we went.

The first 5 hours were fairly smooth. The roads were dry and he skies clear. Sunshine accompanied us all the way until, not surprisingly, we crossed into Ohio. We hit the bad weather like a wall during that long flat expanse of nothing on I-71 between Cinci and Columbus. We began to look for motels, and everything was booked.

The highway began to look like a junk yard, with spun out cars, pick-ups and semis strewn everywhere in positions we had to contort our heads to figure how that happened. We couldn't go a mile…often less with out seeing another vehicle in the median, or on its side past the berm. The semis were the scariest sight…because it was clear once they lost control on ice there was no regaining it…and they took anything in their path along for the ride. It looked like the road hadn't seen a plow, but I think they just couldn't keep up.

We finally got lucky and got the very last room at a dump about 30 miles south of Columbus. They called our room a "suite" but it was actually a meeting room with a grungy couch and one of those pull down Murphy beds coming out of the wall. Shannon almost screamed as she pulled back the bedspread to expose the yucky stains. Nick ordered a roll away bed…which had a metal bar strategically placed down the middle of his back! Once we were settled in, we decided we'd like to kick back and have a beer before we turned in, but as luck would have it—we were in a dry county! Instead we copped a sugar buzz when we loaded up on chips, twizzlers, hostess cupcakes and pop.

Sunday morning we hoped the plows had time to clear I-71, but there was only one snowy lane, and we crawled. We hadn't gone a mile before we saw a semi overturned, still smoldering…the snow black from the charred remains of the fire. 10 minutes later we watched a Jeep Wrangler hit ice and spin out—somehow gaining control in the path of a semi…who never hit the brake. It was one close call after another on the longest 4 hour drive of my life.

My hands still feel numb and like they will be in that curled position for days. I had to pry them off the wheel when I finally turned into my driveway, where I immediately got stuck. 500 miles in the snow in the worst weather imaginable and I got stuck in my unplowed driveway once home.

But I was home.

Safely. Thank God.

Follow-Up: 10 Things A Woman Should Never Say To A Man

Ok. fair is fair. I posted the 10 Things A Guy Should Never Say To A Woman, so it's only right to post a follow-up. Freelance writer Craig Playstead put this list together, pointing out that although guys are guitly of saying things they shouldn't, it's time we ladies knew there are a few things that won't score us any points with the man in our life. For the most part, men an open book, but there are a few things women say that make guys cringe.

So, as a follow-up...

Here's a look at 10 things women say that drive men nuts.


1) "That looks cute."
For the most part, men hate cute. We don't want to hear about it, we don't want to see it, and we sure as hell don't want to be it. If we come down stairs after getting dressed and you tell us we look cute, there's a 100 percent chance we're changing. We're supposed to be your protector, your rock, and cute does not fit into that picture.

2) "We need to talk."
These four words shut off a man's brain faster than long division. When men hear you say that they immediately go into flight mode. And anything they can do to get out of this conversation—and better yet, your apartment—they will. There are plenty of other ways to approach a delicate conversation, and getting us in a place where we feel comfortable is a good start.

3) "It's just a game."
Actually, it's not just a game. Sports are a major part of our lives and the outcome has as much to do with our mood as just about anything else. Is it fair? No. Is it right? No. Is it immature? Maybe. But it's life. Sometimes we just care too much. We understand that it doesn't make sense, but you should be happy that we're that passionate about something. Telling us that "it's just a game" is like us telling you that Oprah's just a talk show host.

4) "Nothing's wrong."
Please don't tell us nothing's wrong. The look on your face could make the toughest guy on the planet weep like a third-grade girl and your arms are crossed so tight you might explode. We're not mind readers; tell us what's going on. And don't make us guess because—believe me—you won't like what we come up with.

5) "I sound like my mom."
The mere fact that you might turn into your mom someday scares the hell out of us. Don't say it, even in jest—it's not funny. We actually believe (and pray) that the saying "every woman ends up looking like their mother" is an old wives' tale. If we didn't, no one would ever get married.

6) "I just want to be friends."
No you don't. You just want us to stop calling you. This is a lot like pulling off a band-aid. Do it quick—don't prolong the agony. Most of us take "I just want to be friends" as "There's still a chance," so if there isn't just make it a clean break and move on. Everyone will be much better because of it.

7) "Size doesn't matter."
Don't lie to us. We know it does, and we're doing our best to make up for it in other ways. It's best just to not say anything at all.

8) "What are you wearing?"
We're wearing whatever's clean or whatever you tell us to. We don't plan out our wardrobe days in advance, but we do actually try and look presentable. It may not work a lot of the time, but we do give it a shot. Giving us direction is completely encouraged though, so go ahead and suggest … nicely.

9) "Do you think she's pretty?"
Of course we do, our standards are much lower than yours. But just because we check her out doesn't mean we think any less of you. We try to be as discreet as possible, but for the most part, we can't help it. It's in our DNA. When an attractive woman walks by, it's best to just pretend nothing happened.

10) "Which outfit do you like better?"
I'm going to be honest here—90 percent of the guys out there are not going to tell you which outfit they like better: They're going to try to pick the one you like better and not get into a holy war when the babysitter is due any minute. To us, you always look good. Getting a couple cocktails and spending as much time as we can without the kids is our ultimate goal for a rare night out.

By Craig Playstead
Original story:
http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6014683&page=%20%20%20%20%20%201

10 Things You Should Never Say To A Woman

I didn't write this. But I am doing a public service to all men by sharing it! My good friend and boss Nick Anthony always asks: "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"

By following author Jessica Murphy's advice, you may not be right, but you're bound to be happier!

It's true: Some comments are better left unsaid.

But as a sophisticated man of the 21st century, you already know this. You know you're not supposed to comment on your girlfriend's weight, or tell her that her friends are hot. And you know she probably feels the same way you do about the phrase, "Can we still be friends?" Additionally, you've found that honesty, while valued in most situations, can sometimes offend. What you say to defuse tension in an argument often stokes the fire. We understand that the female psyche can be complicated, and we're here to demystify what may seem like strategically placed trapdoors.

Here are 10 things most women don't want to hear:

1) What did you do to your hair? Unless we've cut our own hair, and this is not common; someone else did something to our hair. It wasn't us. And most likely we've gone to a lot of trouble and expense for it. "I like your new haircut" is infinitely better, and shows you're paying attention. It's also far superior to the generic "You look different," which tells us you're as clueless as ever.

2) They both look the same to me. We understand you care a lot less than we do about the outfits or the registry dishware we're asking you to compare. But they can't possibly look exactly the same, can they? Give us something. Anything. Mentally roll the dice and pick one, so we don't worry about your vision'"or worse, that you don't care.

3) Relax. A kissing cousin to "Don't get so worked up," this generally creates the exact opposite effect you're shooting for. When you say "Relax," what we hear is that you think that we're being irrational over nothing, and this makes us do anything but relax.

4) I've got it all under control. Ha! Famous last words. Refrain from using them if you don't want us to take fiendish delight in your getting lost because you won't stop for directions (if we're late, there will be fiendish fuming), or because you're missing a piece to your flat-screen television because you said you didn't need to read the assembly instructions.

5) You're not one of those feminists, are you? Yikes. Chivalry may be nearly dead, but saying this will drive the last spear through its heart. Feminist or not, a woman is likely to be offended by the question. Just be yourself. Be kind, open the door, offer to pay, and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity.

6) When are you due? Take one second to imagine a woman turning to you and responding, "I'm not pregnant," or "I had the baby six months ago," and you'll understand why you should eradicate this question from your vocabulary. In one nanosecond, innocent'"even considerate'"curiosity can turn to deadly, if unintentional, offense. And there's just no way to recover from this one.

7) You're being emotional. In the heat of the moment this may be true. But unless you want your partner to become more emotional or get angry, you're better off keeping this observation and its off-limits follow-up question'""Is it that time of month?"'"to yourself.

8) You're acting just like your mother/my mother/my ex-girlfriend. All three are problematic. An ex should be mentioned sparingly, and never in comparison. Why would we want to remind you of a person you broke up with? And come to mention it, why are you thinking about her? You see the slippery slope. Conjuring an image of our mother or your mother can be equally grating. We want you to treat us as individuals and not as mere products of your (or our) upbringing.

9) You complete me. We've seen "Jerry Maguire" and most other romantic comedies far more often than you, and while we may (or may not) like cheesy movie lines, they usually fail in real life. We understand that the possibility of romance makes inexplicable things come out of a man's-and sometimes a woman's-mouth, but keep the compliments real and honest and sincere and say you love someone when you mean it.

10) Do you really think you should be eating that? Yes. She should be eating it. Even if she told you she's given it up.

Original article: http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6014915