My daughter Laura came home the other night; another all-too-brief visit from college. She was frustrated at a poor grade she received on an English paper, and crumpled under a blanket on the couch admitting "college is a lot harder than I thought it would be".
In my effort to make her feel better, I began my "momisms", which, I just can't help, and I start to share some of my own transition issues from my first year at college. I tell her that it's normal, that lots of kids have a really tough time their first year, and so on. And then my friend Elizabeth walks into the room.
Elizabeth is 10- plus years younger than me, smart, beautiful; isn't married and does not have kids. She is is an amazingly talented woman, especially in the area of writing, and this is Laura's area of interest. She told Laura her struggles in school; how she didn't get to walk the stage, had to take a class over the summer, then get her diploma. How she started and then dropped out of college more than once because it was so difficult. How she came out of it, survived and learned valuable lessons which of course she couldn't see at the time, most of which had nothing to do with the classes she took.
The following day I was on the air with my partner Scott, who also doesn't have kids of his own, but who often talks about his friend's children who mean a lot to him. Scott is a man who shares his common sense tidbits of wisdom in an easy to digest manner every day (probably due to years of training on brevity in communication due to his choice of career). Many of those "Scott-isms" click with me an hour or maybe a day or two later.
As I told him about the conversation that took place the night before he told me he sometimes feels his thoughts and opinions when shared with a young person don't have as much credibility with parents because he doesn't have kids of his own. I admitted that it was clear to me today that parents, including me, can be cocky in their assumption that their advice is the best vehicle for their kids, when in fact, life lessons lessons can be learned from so many people at every age, no matter how old we get.
In fact, we are doing our kids more of a favor when we step back sometimes and let someone else do the talking; allowing them to be exposed to people of all ages, races, religions, socio-economic levels and political beliefs. Exposure, discussion and learning through other's successes and failures is so valuable.
Both of my girls are in college, and I' thinking I need to chill out about actual grades. College is a learning experience for many things...the least of which is the actual classes you take. The real life lessons that will help them become independent, productive, discerning adults comes from living away from home, self-discipline, compromising through roommate issues, frustrations and yes, failing papers.
Disappointment is character-building. We learn more from our failures than our successes. And interestingly, the older I get, the more I realize how much I still have to learn.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Finally: Real Answers To That Age Old Question...
Why did that chicken really cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! That every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem onthis side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Note: I can't take credit for writing it, only sharing it. This is one of those emails that has been going around, and things just keep getting added on. Who knows its original source? And, who cares. It made me laugh out loud and I hope it did the same for you!
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! That every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem onthis side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
Note: I can't take credit for writing it, only sharing it. This is one of those emails that has been going around, and things just keep getting added on. Who knows its original source? And, who cares. It made me laugh out loud and I hope it did the same for you!
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Legacy Of Theresa Wilson
It's amazing to think that because one man and one woman fell in love, a family legacy was born. I treasure and honor the memory of my Mom and Dad, Ralph and Theresa Wilson, and my amazing family. It is incredible that in her lifetime, and in mine, a disease that many of us had never heard of is now approaching epidemic proportions.
A few short weeks ago, Theresa Wilson passed away from complications of Alzheimer’s disease. It is in her memory and that of her sister, my Aunt Dorothy and in honor of all those families battling this disease I am participating in the 2008 Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk. My siblings and I have committed to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer research, as well as for care and support for people already affected by the disease.
Memory Walk funds help the Alzheimer's Association advance important research into better treatments and a possible cure for Alzheimer’s. And for the millions already affected by the disease, the Association offers care, education, support and resources in communities nationwide.
Currently more than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer's. Unless we find a way to change the course of the disease, 16 million Americans will have Alzheimer’s by
2050.
If you’d like to support the fight against this terrible disease, you can follow the link on the right to donate to our team.
On behalf of the millions of Americans who are living with Alzheimer’s, thank you for supporting my efforts.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Free At Last
My beautiful, gentle mother, Theresa, was released from the bondage of Alzheimer’s disease Friday afternoon, Sept 5th, 2008. Although the worst of her suffering occurred during the end-stage, in hindsight, from the first symptoms until her death she probably had the disease for at least 8 years. This is consistent with what research shows about the disease, that from onset to death, the average length of time is about 10 years.
In those early years of her illness, we didn’t realize that forgetfulness, repeating questions, and other mildly unusual behavior was anything other than getting older. And my dad, her champion and protector, covered so well. When she stopped cooking, he made it seem as though he enjoyed it and it was his turn after all these years. When she stopped driving, he’d often tell her that maybe she’d drive again “when she was feeling better” He was so quietly diplomatic and face saving. Rarely, if ever asking for help.
I see it all clearly now, I didn’t then.
As things began to get worse, we got more involved, but still, he took care of her. His patience, love and quiet suffering…we knew she was declining but had no idea how bad it was. When he died suddenly 2 years ago, the grief of losing her partner of 63 years was too much for her to bear. She plummeted, and my siblings and I got a crash course into this devastating disease.
Alzheimer’s Disease is becoming a national tragedy. While more deaths still occur from cancer, heart disease and other ailments, Alzheimer’s is now the sixth leading cause of death in America. In 2008, there are over 5 million Americans with Alzheimer's. Experts predict that 10 million baby boomers will develop Alzheimer's in their lifetime. This disease is quietly growing into a national epidemic.
It’s an insidious, cruel illness, not only robbing the victim of their memory, but also, the very essence of their personality. It begins a process of grief and loss that can last literally for years. My mom’s been gone for awhile, and yet, there were days when she would smile at me with some level of recognition. Days when I would walk in and say "hi mom" and she respond "hi honey". On those days of lucidity, my siblings and I would go home and send a family email, sharing a ray of sunshine; as if there was a glimpse of hope with each story of recognition. Those moments were gifts.
We can read the research reports, and listen to the doctors, nurses and caregivers speak from their experience. We can share stories with other families who have loved ones suffering; but in the end, we can never really know what level of cognitive ability the suffering patient has. Every person is affected differently, every family has different experiences.
My niece was getting married Saturday, the culmination of a year of planning. My mom let go the day before, and I'd love to think it was because she wanted to attend. After years looking at, through and past us as we sat with her; on this Saturday she and my dad were looking down and she was saying "Wow, it's so great to see everyone. I haven't seen any of you in years, and now I see you all because I am free...at last!"
At last.
Note: I wrote a blog last September that was, an ironic but somehow appropriate prelude to this one. Code To Freedom
In those early years of her illness, we didn’t realize that forgetfulness, repeating questions, and other mildly unusual behavior was anything other than getting older. And my dad, her champion and protector, covered so well. When she stopped cooking, he made it seem as though he enjoyed it and it was his turn after all these years. When she stopped driving, he’d often tell her that maybe she’d drive again “when she was feeling better” He was so quietly diplomatic and face saving. Rarely, if ever asking for help.
I see it all clearly now, I didn’t then.
As things began to get worse, we got more involved, but still, he took care of her. His patience, love and quiet suffering…we knew she was declining but had no idea how bad it was. When he died suddenly 2 years ago, the grief of losing her partner of 63 years was too much for her to bear. She plummeted, and my siblings and I got a crash course into this devastating disease.
Alzheimer’s Disease is becoming a national tragedy. While more deaths still occur from cancer, heart disease and other ailments, Alzheimer’s is now the sixth leading cause of death in America. In 2008, there are over 5 million Americans with Alzheimer's. Experts predict that 10 million baby boomers will develop Alzheimer's in their lifetime. This disease is quietly growing into a national epidemic.
It’s an insidious, cruel illness, not only robbing the victim of their memory, but also, the very essence of their personality. It begins a process of grief and loss that can last literally for years. My mom’s been gone for awhile, and yet, there were days when she would smile at me with some level of recognition. Days when I would walk in and say "hi mom" and she respond "hi honey". On those days of lucidity, my siblings and I would go home and send a family email, sharing a ray of sunshine; as if there was a glimpse of hope with each story of recognition. Those moments were gifts.
We can read the research reports, and listen to the doctors, nurses and caregivers speak from their experience. We can share stories with other families who have loved ones suffering; but in the end, we can never really know what level of cognitive ability the suffering patient has. Every person is affected differently, every family has different experiences.
My niece was getting married Saturday, the culmination of a year of planning. My mom let go the day before, and I'd love to think it was because she wanted to attend. After years looking at, through and past us as we sat with her; on this Saturday she and my dad were looking down and she was saying "Wow, it's so great to see everyone. I haven't seen any of you in years, and now I see you all because I am free...at last!"
At last.
Note: I wrote a blog last September that was, an ironic but somehow appropriate prelude to this one. Code To Freedom
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Cha Cha Cha Cha ...Change
Some people, maybe most people I know, hate change. I know that change can often be inconvenient, uncomfortable and even sad...but hating it is futile because that is one of the few things we can truly count on happening in our lives.
Change.
I've had a great deal of it these last several years. A new life as a single mom, a new home, new job and changes within that job. And while some of these changes have been terribly painful and others wonderful, all have shaped me to be who I am at this moment.
My two daughters graduated from high school these last two consecutive years. Sending the first off to college last fall was tough, but sending my baby off this coming week, I admit, frightens me more. Because I know with her departure comes a period of transition, and I am doing my very best to embrace it. But I am finding it challenging because along with excitement I feel for her, I also feel doubt combined a tremendous sense of loss...for me.
This chapter of her and my life is over. With my baby leaving, the day-to-day get the girls up and out, and packing lunches, worrying about dinners, juggling schedules, deadlines and homework are done. And I don't get any more do-overs.
Did I do this mothering thing right? Is she prepared? Will she make the right decisions? Who's going to clean her room? How is she going to do with out me? And...ok... let's face it, how am I going to live without her? This fun, funny vibrant personality, who along with her big sister, has been everything I have lived for for so many years. Although I know I will still live for and through their successes and failures, college issues, boyfriends, and more...the struggles will be different.
Worries change too. Now its about their overall safety, from date rape to drinking to dorm crime, to remembering stupid things I did and praying they don't make similar mistakes. But with that worry, there is a sense of acknowledgement. And trust. I raised them right...they'll make many right decisions. And many wrong ones. And when they make the wrong ones, they'll learn. As I did. You don't learn from your successes. You learn from your failures.
Change.
My parenting will change. My role will change. It has already.
I am now an advisor, and from the sidelines, a cheerleader and a GPS as they both navigate their own course. I hope it is my GPS voice they hear saying "turn left, follow your heart, don't do this, yes...do that." And as I found with my older daughter, they do come back home...and they are changed, in a good way. It's like they grow up and leave you as children, and then return home as these mature adults.
I'll always be their mom, but the next phase now begins.
Change.
I am doing my very best to embrace it.
But...if I'm doing so well...what's with the teardrops on this keyboard?
Change.
I've had a great deal of it these last several years. A new life as a single mom, a new home, new job and changes within that job. And while some of these changes have been terribly painful and others wonderful, all have shaped me to be who I am at this moment.
My two daughters graduated from high school these last two consecutive years. Sending the first off to college last fall was tough, but sending my baby off this coming week, I admit, frightens me more. Because I know with her departure comes a period of transition, and I am doing my very best to embrace it. But I am finding it challenging because along with excitement I feel for her, I also feel doubt combined a tremendous sense of loss...for me.
This chapter of her and my life is over. With my baby leaving, the day-to-day get the girls up and out, and packing lunches, worrying about dinners, juggling schedules, deadlines and homework are done. And I don't get any more do-overs.
Did I do this mothering thing right? Is she prepared? Will she make the right decisions? Who's going to clean her room? How is she going to do with out me? And...ok... let's face it, how am I going to live without her? This fun, funny vibrant personality, who along with her big sister, has been everything I have lived for for so many years. Although I know I will still live for and through their successes and failures, college issues, boyfriends, and more...the struggles will be different.
Worries change too. Now its about their overall safety, from date rape to drinking to dorm crime, to remembering stupid things I did and praying they don't make similar mistakes. But with that worry, there is a sense of acknowledgement. And trust. I raised them right...they'll make many right decisions. And many wrong ones. And when they make the wrong ones, they'll learn. As I did. You don't learn from your successes. You learn from your failures.
Change.
My parenting will change. My role will change. It has already.
I am now an advisor, and from the sidelines, a cheerleader and a GPS as they both navigate their own course. I hope it is my GPS voice they hear saying "turn left, follow your heart, don't do this, yes...do that." And as I found with my older daughter, they do come back home...and they are changed, in a good way. It's like they grow up and leave you as children, and then return home as these mature adults.
I'll always be their mom, but the next phase now begins.
Change.
I am doing my very best to embrace it.
But...if I'm doing so well...what's with the teardrops on this keyboard?
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