Never Too Old

I'm a new grandma. I thought when I said those words I'd be, well...old!
Or at least older. Although I guess I need to face the fact that 50 isn't exactly young, it always seemed to me that the term grandma should apply to someone much older than me. But here I am, a grandma, and so far, it's pretty cool.

I've heard many say that one of the great things about being a grandparent is that you get to love and spoil your grandchild and then you get to give them back. I was thinking as I held my grandson in my arms that it's almost like a "do-over". I can make up for any mistakes I made with my daughters with him. My favorite Bill Cosby bit had him wondering what happened to his parents when they became grandparents. He was sure they weren't the same people who raised him, because they were too nice! He described them as "old people trying to get into heaven"

In my first few weeks of grandma-hood, 2 emotions have hit me the hardest and surprised me with their depth of impact, but I have struggled to find the best words to describe them. Love and Pride seem so obvious and overused that and I wish I could come up with different words. But like the first time either of my baby girls were placed in my arms, the powerful wave and depth of the emotion I felt was completely indescribable. My child, this miracle that I grew inside my body, was now out of me and a real person. My husband and I were completely responsible for this tiny human being who was now so completely dependent on us.

Time to grow up!

And now, my child has a child, a further extension of us, and the realization that our family will continue into future generations has me again feeling a range of emotions. Sad because my grandson will never know his maternal grandpa; yet at peace knowing he carries his name, his genes, and now his legacy. The knowledge too, that I can have some small part in the nurturing of this baby is an honor and a blessing like nothing I have known before.

The pride part comes with watching my daughter and her husband bond as a new family. It is so difficult to have them living so far away, but in these few years away I've watched her grow into this amazing young woman, and now mother. She has adopted an wonderfully healthy lifestyle and has educated me on so much. An excellent cook, she has influenced me to adopt a vegetarian lifestyle and taught me some amazing recipes. Having never lived in the city, I am now learning as I live vicariously through her experiences in San Francisco. Walking to shops and stores; taking public transportation, experiencing a city full of life and hustle and bustle that although I'm not used too, I am learning to appreciate. And now, with my youngest daughter just moving to Chicago, I'll be adding to my learning experiences through hers.

Watching my girls grow up and turn into these amazing young women has left me in emotional disarray. I miss them so much, and I am realizing a part of my life, especially my parenting life has passed now. Now, I watch as it is their turn. And while I still know I have much to offer and they still have much they can learn from me...I am coming to the realization that my role as a parent will continue to evolve, but happily that there is a new phase of life I have in front of me. Exciting, scary, sometimes lonely...but I am excited about the lessons still to learn, for all of us. They say that when you stop learning you stop growing, and I think that's probably true...except to grow old.

And that knowledge somehow makes me feel... well....YOUNG!