Every article I've ready lately gives one reason after another why you should not make a new year's resolution. By a wide margin, the experts say, resolutions don't work, as many people who have that first cigarette after they resolve to quit smoking, or skipped several days at the gym think that because they've slipped up they have "broken" their resolution they might as well just give up. I am a believer in resolutions; but I think its all it how you define them.
There are a couple different times of the year I find myself in self-reflection. New Year's Day is certainly one of them. But also my birthday and the start of a new school year are 2 other times. Birthdays, of course, get you thinking about the passage of time and various age-related lifestyle and health issues. And September for me is a time of inner reflection because it takes me back to my youth and makes me think of the feeling I use to have with clean paper, notebooks and new books> I felt I had a "clean slate" to start a new year of learning inside and outside the classroom. I always set goals at the beginning of the school year, and I still find myself doing that every fall.
In fact, I like to think more in terms of goal setting than resolutions, but whatever you call them, the idea is the same. What may be intimidating about resolutions or goals is that there seems to be so much to "do" and so much to "start" that it seems too overwhelming. So this year, I thought perhaps a more effective way to affect improvements in my life might be to put things on a "stop" list. My boss, Nick Anthony brought this technique to my attention years ago in our strategic meetings. The idea is that "stopping" an ineffective, non-productive practice or behavior will help to naturally replace them with another, hopefully more productive one.
For example, physically, I would like to continue to work on living a healthy lifestyle. Professionally, I'd like to be a better person to work with, and to work for. And personally, if I'm happier and more self-fulfilled from the inside out I'll be productive in as a mom, a friend, partner and person overall to be of some service to others.
To attempt to accomplish these goals, I'm going to put a few things on my "stop" list.
I resolve to STOP:
-Eating out so much, which will make me cook more, eat better and save money
-Worrying. This will be tough, but I really do know that 90 percent of what we worry about never happens, and you can't get that time you spent worry back. There is always some element of a situation we can control, so focus on that.
-Complaining. I believe in the universal law of attraction, and when we focus on the negative, negative stuff keeps happening because that's where the energy is going. Like attracts like, so even if something is driving you crazy, switching gears to focus on something about the situation or person that you can gain, or learn from the experience, even if it's a lesson in patience will help.
-Being around negative people. They suck the life out of you. Enough said.
-Making excuses. I can always think of reasons for not doing something I want to do. If I find myself procastinating, I will work to get up and "just do" something, even something little, one day at a time. Walk the dog, take a last minute weekend trip, read a book, try something I've never tried before. Learn a new skill.
So instead of thinking about all the things we resolve to do start doing this new year, maybe we can start thinking of things we will resolve to stop doing.
What can you put on your "stop list"?
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Friday, November 26, 2010
Things To Be Thankful For
I woke up Thanksgiving Morning to the sound of a hard rain on my roof. I pondered the fact that it is Thanksgiving, and although I know I have much to be thankful for, I admit I am sometimes guilty of not keeping that fact top of mind.
Alone in the house, I began to focus on that. I missed my girls, I reflected on past Thanksgivings with a full house--and felt sadness that the holidays have not been the same without my girls home, without my parents, without my husband. Trying to snap out of it I marveled at the pouring rain. I looked at my dogs lying next to me, warm and dry and tried to think of so many who have no roof over their head. It's so easy to focus on those things that drag us down. Easy to think about what we don't have. what we want instead of those things that we have now and should be appreciative of.
I turned on the TV to a news story about a local church preparing Thanksgiving meals for the needy--again reminding me of those who don't have a place to go and eat and share the love of family and friends; and any twinge of sadness and focus on my "problems" seemed to fade. The next news story was on Black Friday. A reporter was on the scene of a local store where people were camped out, some since Tuesday, so they would be the first in line for the deals. The reporter asked a man who was camping with his young daughter how it was going since the weather had turned so cold and rainy. He complained that he had to get more propane for his heater because" no one wants to be out on a night like this with no heat."
Wow.
One the one hand, there are homeless people sheltering themselves from the rain, living under bridges or makeshift tents because they have nowhere to go, while this man was "camping" for 3 days so he could get a deal. It brought to mind the story of the man who was trampled to death at a Walmart last year on Black Friday. Have we lost our minds?
It was the reality check I needed Thanksgiving morning and a reminder to focus on being thankful for what I have not what I don't. To start every day with an attitude of gratitude. If you have your health, a roof over your head, a job and at least one person to love and who loves you you are blessed with more "gifts" than so many.
Happy Holidays.
Alone in the house, I began to focus on that. I missed my girls, I reflected on past Thanksgivings with a full house--and felt sadness that the holidays have not been the same without my girls home, without my parents, without my husband. Trying to snap out of it I marveled at the pouring rain. I looked at my dogs lying next to me, warm and dry and tried to think of so many who have no roof over their head. It's so easy to focus on those things that drag us down. Easy to think about what we don't have. what we want instead of those things that we have now and should be appreciative of.
I turned on the TV to a news story about a local church preparing Thanksgiving meals for the needy--again reminding me of those who don't have a place to go and eat and share the love of family and friends; and any twinge of sadness and focus on my "problems" seemed to fade. The next news story was on Black Friday. A reporter was on the scene of a local store where people were camped out, some since Tuesday, so they would be the first in line for the deals. The reporter asked a man who was camping with his young daughter how it was going since the weather had turned so cold and rainy. He complained that he had to get more propane for his heater because" no one wants to be out on a night like this with no heat."
Wow.
One the one hand, there are homeless people sheltering themselves from the rain, living under bridges or makeshift tents because they have nowhere to go, while this man was "camping" for 3 days so he could get a deal. It brought to mind the story of the man who was trampled to death at a Walmart last year on Black Friday. Have we lost our minds?
It was the reality check I needed Thanksgiving morning and a reminder to focus on being thankful for what I have not what I don't. To start every day with an attitude of gratitude. If you have your health, a roof over your head, a job and at least one person to love and who loves you you are blessed with more "gifts" than so many.
Happy Holidays.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
A One Of A Kind Experience
I am a big believer in karma. There have been times when I have witnessed something that seems so wrong or unfair, that the only way I can justify it's senselessness is that somewhere down the road there will be knowledge gained or lessons learned for a person, a family, a community or a world that can make the injustice make more sense.
I am also a believer in the Universal Law of Attraction. That "like" attracts "like" and if you are in the presence of good and positive people and events good and positive things keep coming your way. Conversely the same goes with negativity.
Yesterday I was in the presence of a lot of positive vibes and good karma. In the unfortunate and sometimes even tragic stories that accompany how so many dogs and cats got to One Of A Kind Pet Rescue comes the end result of good people doing good things all in one place.
My on air partner Scott Wynn wrote a blog the other day about the effect this new state-of-the-art rescue facility had on him after taking the tour. He spoke of the hard to describe energy felt just being there. And yesterday, at the grand opening celebration, I knew what he meant. Of all the "remotes" and "appearances" I've been a part of in my radio career, this one felt different. So many people came. Hundreds. So many of them said that they had been hearing us talk about the place, hearing our once a week pet adoption feature over the last couple of years, hearing about our own dogs, our own love of animals, and the good work this particular rescue place does in our community, and they were moved to come.
This place is like no other. It is --or should be--the model for how homeless animals should be cared for. Clean, bright. Roomy. Each dog has a "suite" with a door than opens to a run, and then a fenced green area for socialization. There are all window viewing rooms so potential adoptive parents can spend time with the animal. The cats have this incredible space...a tower of spiral steps with cubbies on every level for the cats to hide in if they want. Room to be social. Room to be alone. Room.
It was cool to be in the presence of volunteers, workers and animal lovers of all ages in this wonderful environment that just seems to "breed" good karma. If you live in our area and can patronize their retail pet store for your pet needs, or grooming or perhaps utilize their dog trainer...know that it is a non-profit, and proceeds benefit the mission of caring for animals in need and rescuing them from euthanasia.
I am also a believer in the Universal Law of Attraction. That "like" attracts "like" and if you are in the presence of good and positive people and events good and positive things keep coming your way. Conversely the same goes with negativity.
Yesterday I was in the presence of a lot of positive vibes and good karma. In the unfortunate and sometimes even tragic stories that accompany how so many dogs and cats got to One Of A Kind Pet Rescue comes the end result of good people doing good things all in one place.
My on air partner Scott Wynn wrote a blog the other day about the effect this new state-of-the-art rescue facility had on him after taking the tour. He spoke of the hard to describe energy felt just being there. And yesterday, at the grand opening celebration, I knew what he meant. Of all the "remotes" and "appearances" I've been a part of in my radio career, this one felt different. So many people came. Hundreds. So many of them said that they had been hearing us talk about the place, hearing our once a week pet adoption feature over the last couple of years, hearing about our own dogs, our own love of animals, and the good work this particular rescue place does in our community, and they were moved to come.
This place is like no other. It is --or should be--the model for how homeless animals should be cared for. Clean, bright. Roomy. Each dog has a "suite" with a door than opens to a run, and then a fenced green area for socialization. There are all window viewing rooms so potential adoptive parents can spend time with the animal. The cats have this incredible space...a tower of spiral steps with cubbies on every level for the cats to hide in if they want. Room to be social. Room to be alone. Room.
It was cool to be in the presence of volunteers, workers and animal lovers of all ages in this wonderful environment that just seems to "breed" good karma. If you live in our area and can patronize their retail pet store for your pet needs, or grooming or perhaps utilize their dog trainer...know that it is a non-profit, and proceeds benefit the mission of caring for animals in need and rescuing them from euthanasia.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
I May Not Feel Like Voting...But I Will.
I’m happy Election Day is almost here. Not because I am looking forward to exercising my right to vote…but because I am tired of the mud-slinging and overall negativity that has completely overtaken my world. My mailbox is overflowing with junk mail that gets straight into the recycle bin. TV is unwatchable, and my email is full of political spam. The only thing presented is how terrible the “other” candidate is and there are very few solutions being offered.
Yes, it’s difficult to know who to vote for if all you go by is the ads. It makes me just want to say “why vote?” And in fact, I’ve heard many people around me say that they are so turned off by the political climate in our world today that they may not vote this year.
We can’t let that happen.
We take the right to vote so for granted in these United States. For women, especially,it is crucial to remember how valuable is our right to vote. It took until 1920 for women to attain that right, and other countries, like Russia, women got the vote before we did. When Woodrow Wilson took office, women protested in front of the White House asking for their right to vote and many were arrested for "obstructing traffic" and thrown in jail. During the infamous “night of terror” which began on November 15, 1917 guards at the Occoquan prison were given an order by the warden to teach a lesson to all the women that had been imprisoned there for picketing for their right to vote. More than 30 women were arrested during this time and for the many weeks of their incarceration the only food and water they had was infested with maggots. Dora Lewis was put into a dark cell and thrown up against an iron bed that knocked her out cold. Later affidavits mentioned that she had been, dragged, beaten, choked, kicked and swung around by her hair. Lucy Burns was handcuffed with her hands above her head, beaten by several guards and left for the night gasping for breath and almost bled to death. There are so many more stories of women who paid the price for simply “protesting” for their right to vote. For OUR right to vote.
It would take 3 more years for women to win the vote, but can you imagine the triumph these women felt? And can you imagine how they would feel today witnessing the apathy and lack of participation so many have for this hard-earned right? We should be grateful for ourselves and for our daughters and their daughters after them and honoring their fight by never missing the opportunity to vote.
If you believe everything in the news it seems there is nothing right going on in this country, but the fact that we have the right to express opinions (yes even the negative ones) campaign and protest and then vote in itself what is right and good in our country. Across the world in countries like Iran, the elections are a joke. People risk their lives to go to the polls, and once there, they often vote out of fear, because if the person they really want in doesn’t get elected, they are afraid of the repercussions of their vote. In our country, the only consequence we suffer are frustrations of unfilled campaign promises, or disappointments that our candidate didn’t get in, or if he or she did, that they are stifled by the process so that it takes forever to get something done.
But eventually, it can get done. There are good men and women running for office. There are Issues of importance that affect our communities that need our involvement. Whether it’s a school levy, a controversial issues we about a right to legalize pot, gay marriage, abortion or to raise or lower our taxes our vote can and does make a difference. Especially on the local level.
It takes a little effort, but we can do research on each candidate and issue on the ballot. Most candidates do have websites that outline their philosophy and position in most of the issues we are voting on. There are various newspapers and news organizations that present their “endorsements” and you can at least go and read their reasoning whether you agree on it or not. Political blogs can present varying points of view on an issue you may be struggling with.
The League of Women Voters sponsors valuable non-partisan websites to help educate you on the candidates and issues and you can type in your city and state to get to your local issues. Here’s a link to the National Website:
http://www.lwv.org/Elections/index.html
Here’s the link to the Akron Area. http://www.lwvaa.org/
Do the right thing. Vote.
*research on the suffrage movement from http://hubpages.com/t/16fd0a
Yes, it’s difficult to know who to vote for if all you go by is the ads. It makes me just want to say “why vote?” And in fact, I’ve heard many people around me say that they are so turned off by the political climate in our world today that they may not vote this year.
We can’t let that happen.
We take the right to vote so for granted in these United States. For women, especially,it is crucial to remember how valuable is our right to vote. It took until 1920 for women to attain that right, and other countries, like Russia, women got the vote before we did. When Woodrow Wilson took office, women protested in front of the White House asking for their right to vote and many were arrested for "obstructing traffic" and thrown in jail. During the infamous “night of terror” which began on November 15, 1917 guards at the Occoquan prison were given an order by the warden to teach a lesson to all the women that had been imprisoned there for picketing for their right to vote. More than 30 women were arrested during this time and for the many weeks of their incarceration the only food and water they had was infested with maggots. Dora Lewis was put into a dark cell and thrown up against an iron bed that knocked her out cold. Later affidavits mentioned that she had been, dragged, beaten, choked, kicked and swung around by her hair. Lucy Burns was handcuffed with her hands above her head, beaten by several guards and left for the night gasping for breath and almost bled to death. There are so many more stories of women who paid the price for simply “protesting” for their right to vote. For OUR right to vote.
It would take 3 more years for women to win the vote, but can you imagine the triumph these women felt? And can you imagine how they would feel today witnessing the apathy and lack of participation so many have for this hard-earned right? We should be grateful for ourselves and for our daughters and their daughters after them and honoring their fight by never missing the opportunity to vote.
If you believe everything in the news it seems there is nothing right going on in this country, but the fact that we have the right to express opinions (yes even the negative ones) campaign and protest and then vote in itself what is right and good in our country. Across the world in countries like Iran, the elections are a joke. People risk their lives to go to the polls, and once there, they often vote out of fear, because if the person they really want in doesn’t get elected, they are afraid of the repercussions of their vote. In our country, the only consequence we suffer are frustrations of unfilled campaign promises, or disappointments that our candidate didn’t get in, or if he or she did, that they are stifled by the process so that it takes forever to get something done.
But eventually, it can get done. There are good men and women running for office. There are Issues of importance that affect our communities that need our involvement. Whether it’s a school levy, a controversial issues we about a right to legalize pot, gay marriage, abortion or to raise or lower our taxes our vote can and does make a difference. Especially on the local level.
It takes a little effort, but we can do research on each candidate and issue on the ballot. Most candidates do have websites that outline their philosophy and position in most of the issues we are voting on. There are various newspapers and news organizations that present their “endorsements” and you can at least go and read their reasoning whether you agree on it or not. Political blogs can present varying points of view on an issue you may be struggling with.
The League of Women Voters sponsors valuable non-partisan websites to help educate you on the candidates and issues and you can type in your city and state to get to your local issues. Here’s a link to the National Website:
http://www.lwv.org/Elections/index.html
Here’s the link to the Akron Area. http://www.lwvaa.org/
Do the right thing. Vote.
*research on the suffrage movement from http://hubpages.com/t/16fd0a
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The Benefits (are there?) of Being Single
“I never thought I would be single at my age”
Most of us 40 to 50 something singles probably feel this way. If you never married you wonder how time got away. If you are divorced, you really did believe the “until death do us part” line when you said it. And if you are widowed, you didn’t expect death to “part you” this young. No one thinks it will be their family affected by cancer, divorce, loss or single- parenthood and that they would be single or alone at their age. That happens to other people.
As the youngest of 7, I’ve always had people around me. When I left for college I had roommates in a dorm, then roommates in an apartment, and then even though I had a couple years of living in an apartment by myself after starting my career—I always had people around. Mine was the crash place if someone couldn’t drive home or a temporary home for people needing a place to stay. My boyfriend and soon-to- be husband was around quite a bit, too. Then came marriage and kids. Not a lot of alone-time.
But I have it now. And I’m learning to appreciate it. I mean I do get lonely sometimes, but after 8 years being single and now with the kids out of the house I’m doing a lot of eat Pray Love type of contemplation without traveling to 3 countries that begin with "I".
I’ve done a lot of dating over these several years and I’ve found that life and relationships look different now than they did in my 20’s. I know what I want. And most importantly, I know what I don’t. I’m now feeling pretty comfortable in my own skin. I’ve also learned it really takes a long time to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Being single gets a bad rap. I’ve read article after article quoting study after study indicating that married people live longer, and that single people who live alone are prone to depression and other health ailments. But I don’t know if I buy all that. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. I had a good marriage. And I have people in my life that I look at with admiration and a little bit of envy because they have loving, long-lasting, seemingly happy marriages. On the flip side, however, I watch some of my friends negotiate through some not-so- happy relationships and I relish in the fact that there are some benefits of being alone. Or at least, being alone until you fit the right fit. Right...not perfect.
I don’t believe in the perfect fit.
No one fits like a glove. There will be something about everyone that will drive you crazy. So short of infidelity or abuse…I believe that acceptance of the fact that annoying habits, thoughtless moments, and ill-tempered behavior happens with everyone is crucial in any relationship. We accept it with our kids, and many of our friends, so why not our significant other? To leave someone with the goal of a finding “the perfect match” somewhere else is crazy. They may not do one the thing that your spouse does that you just can't stand, but you can bet they’ll do something else that might drive you just as crazy…or worse. “The beast you know is better than the one you don’t” as my Dad use to always say.
I heard a great song the other day by a country artist Joanna Smith. She is lamenting that all her girlfriends are getting married. She says she doesn’t want to be "nobody's ball and chain", or nobody's "reason for poker game" or nobody's "baby get me a bud light!"
And I don’t either. I'm not going to be that woman whose husband can’t have their own hobbies, nights out, or friends without getting nagged. And I'm not going to be that woman who can't do the same without having it start a fight. I have friends (men and women) who are in relationships where they are always walking on eggshells. They can’t do anything, go anywhere or have a life without fear of starting a fight. Life’s too short for jealously and mistrust, so if I see even an inkling of that or any other controlling behavior in a man—I run.
Right now I like that I make and spend my own money. I can spend it on myself, my daughters, my grandson or my friends and don’t have to ask permission or beg forgiveness. I can go away for a weekend, stay out late or sleep in and not worry that or some other some small thing is going to set off a fight. I can have a beer, a martini, or a cigar...and not have anyone be mad at me. Is there a danger in no accountability? Perhaps. But I do have 2 daughters that regularly remind me of my faults :-).
I am not jaded. Nor an I a pessimist…in fact, I am cautiously optimistic that someday I just might find someone to hang with who has a pretty similar perspective on life and relationships. But in the meantime-I believe the burdens we experience happen so that we can learn life lessons.
I have been blessed with a burden…and I’m learning to accept and do my best to enjoy exactly where I am in life. And acceptance of our current situation is really the only way to feel content.
Most of us 40 to 50 something singles probably feel this way. If you never married you wonder how time got away. If you are divorced, you really did believe the “until death do us part” line when you said it. And if you are widowed, you didn’t expect death to “part you” this young. No one thinks it will be their family affected by cancer, divorce, loss or single- parenthood and that they would be single or alone at their age. That happens to other people.
As the youngest of 7, I’ve always had people around me. When I left for college I had roommates in a dorm, then roommates in an apartment, and then even though I had a couple years of living in an apartment by myself after starting my career—I always had people around. Mine was the crash place if someone couldn’t drive home or a temporary home for people needing a place to stay. My boyfriend and soon-to- be husband was around quite a bit, too. Then came marriage and kids. Not a lot of alone-time.
But I have it now. And I’m learning to appreciate it. I mean I do get lonely sometimes, but after 8 years being single and now with the kids out of the house I’m doing a lot of eat Pray Love type of contemplation without traveling to 3 countries that begin with "I".
I’ve done a lot of dating over these several years and I’ve found that life and relationships look different now than they did in my 20’s. I know what I want. And most importantly, I know what I don’t. I’m now feeling pretty comfortable in my own skin. I’ve also learned it really takes a long time to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Being single gets a bad rap. I’ve read article after article quoting study after study indicating that married people live longer, and that single people who live alone are prone to depression and other health ailments. But I don’t know if I buy all that. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. I had a good marriage. And I have people in my life that I look at with admiration and a little bit of envy because they have loving, long-lasting, seemingly happy marriages. On the flip side, however, I watch some of my friends negotiate through some not-so- happy relationships and I relish in the fact that there are some benefits of being alone. Or at least, being alone until you fit the right fit. Right...not perfect.
I don’t believe in the perfect fit.
No one fits like a glove. There will be something about everyone that will drive you crazy. So short of infidelity or abuse…I believe that acceptance of the fact that annoying habits, thoughtless moments, and ill-tempered behavior happens with everyone is crucial in any relationship. We accept it with our kids, and many of our friends, so why not our significant other? To leave someone with the goal of a finding “the perfect match” somewhere else is crazy. They may not do one the thing that your spouse does that you just can't stand, but you can bet they’ll do something else that might drive you just as crazy…or worse. “The beast you know is better than the one you don’t” as my Dad use to always say.
I heard a great song the other day by a country artist Joanna Smith. She is lamenting that all her girlfriends are getting married. She says she doesn’t want to be "nobody's ball and chain", or nobody's "reason for poker game" or nobody's "baby get me a bud light!"
And I don’t either. I'm not going to be that woman whose husband can’t have their own hobbies, nights out, or friends without getting nagged. And I'm not going to be that woman who can't do the same without having it start a fight. I have friends (men and women) who are in relationships where they are always walking on eggshells. They can’t do anything, go anywhere or have a life without fear of starting a fight. Life’s too short for jealously and mistrust, so if I see even an inkling of that or any other controlling behavior in a man—I run.
Right now I like that I make and spend my own money. I can spend it on myself, my daughters, my grandson or my friends and don’t have to ask permission or beg forgiveness. I can go away for a weekend, stay out late or sleep in and not worry that or some other some small thing is going to set off a fight. I can have a beer, a martini, or a cigar...and not have anyone be mad at me. Is there a danger in no accountability? Perhaps. But I do have 2 daughters that regularly remind me of my faults :-).
I am not jaded. Nor an I a pessimist…in fact, I am cautiously optimistic that someday I just might find someone to hang with who has a pretty similar perspective on life and relationships. But in the meantime-I believe the burdens we experience happen so that we can learn life lessons.
I have been blessed with a burden…and I’m learning to accept and do my best to enjoy exactly where I am in life. And acceptance of our current situation is really the only way to feel content.
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