Why Can't I Watch What Everyone Else Likes?

I am struggling with something. I am unable to watch many movies and TV shows that it seems the majority of people enjoy, and I'm starting to feel really abnormal. When I ask friends for recommendations for a great Netflix series to binge or for a movie to escape life with, I get suggestions like: "Handmaiden's Tale," "Don't F*ck with Cats," "Game Of Thrones" and others. I watched the first episode of  "Outlander," thinking I found that escape and a friend who knows me warned me to stop. The next 2 episodes, I was told, were filled with some pretty gory violence, including a horrific homosexual rape scene that even they had to fast-forward through. And I thought I was watching a "Somewhere In Time" type of time-travel love story. Geesh!

Scenes stick with me. I know that most are fiction, but the fact that some creative mind somewhere came up with such explicitly gruesome ways to torture someone, to inflict physical and mental pain, and further--to set up these scenes, to act them out over and over and then edit those scenes for hours- wow! That's intense.  The news cycle gets tougher to take every day, and now, at least for me, it seems entertainment has become tougher, too.  And that it is even IS entertainment for so many but not for me makes me feel like I'm not normal.  My soul becomes drained ...I look for an escape. And I can't find it in ways so many others can.

I have the ability (or, I guess at this point, I realize it is a curse) to be able to place myself into another's shoes. I have learned that this makes me an "empath." To see things from another's point of view, even if I don't agree,  has been helpful to me in personal and professional relationships. But this ability doesn't serve me well when I think about what another is feeling when I am watching a violent movie scene. It haunts me.

When I grew up (here comes the proverbial OK, Boomer), the shows on the 3 significant networks were just not that violent. The world was, but the fake world wasn't. In fact, I try to take solace in the fact that statistically, the world is better in 2020 than it was a hundred years ago--but our 24-hour news cycle that focuses on only reporting how shitty people are has many believing otherwise.

A quick sampling of some of my "favorite movies of all time" pretty much gives you an idea of what I consider entertainment. Sound of Music. Funny Girl, Airplane! Titanic and I could list tons of romantic comedies starting with Pretty Woman and going from there. My today streaming list includes The Crown, The Kominsky Method, Grace & Frankie, Nurse Jackie, Dowton Abby. My TV shows from the past to now: MASH, Cheers, Frasier, Will & Grace, West Wing, ER, Hill Street Blues, Thirty Something, Parenthood, This Is Us. Madame Secretary.

What's wrong with me, that I literally feel anxiety watching a movie knowing what might be coming up; that I can't watch what everyone else likes?  Should I suck it up and try? Does not watching these critically acclaimed shows have me missing significant parts of pop-culture? Will I never be able to answer trivia questions on things that came after 2005? My poor husband has to watch everything he likes when I am out of town. He is lucky I travel a lot.

And I guess what really troubles me, is how can others watch a scene where someone is being tortured, pleading for their life, humiliated, raped, and just munch their popcorn? Are they desensitized? Am over over-sensitive? Is there any in-between?

If there's anyone else out there that is like me in this way--maybe we can form a support group. In the meantime, suggestions for positive movies, shows, and documentaries are welcome. 

Walking The Dog Through My Neighborhood's Grand History

To listen to a spoken word version of this blog click HERE

My husband and I downsized to a condo this past fall, and one of the biggest adjustments has been the routine of walking our dog. Our previous home had a fenced-in yard, so all we had to do was to open the door. Our new living arrangement has us walking Scooby at least 4 times daily, which is good for him--and for us. Beyond the exercise, though, is the sense of history and nostalgia that overcomes me on my neighborhood walks. My current residence, a quaint condominium complex, sits on the grounds where an exquisite mansion called Harbel manor once stood.  

Harbel Manor
where our condo complex sit now

Harbel Manor was the elaborate estate of rubber baron Harvey S. Firestone. While not as large or architecturally significant as Stan Hywet, the estate of his Goodyear counterpart, Frank Seiberling, it was still a marvel set on 60 plus acres in West Akron. It is unimaginable that this house, like so many of its era, was sold to developers and torn down, but I understand that it was a common occurrence at the time. These huge mansions were seen as money-pits, and easier to tear down before many had the vision to re-purpose them into offices or apartments. How cool would it be to be living in a condo that was a converted wing of one of these incredible homes? It is doubtful that Akron could have supported two historical mansions - Stan Hywet and Harbel Manor, -but I’m guessing the tearing down of homes like these nationwide led to the founding of many historical societies here and elsewhere.  

Stan Hywet
The Seiberling Mansion

I grew up in this neighborhood, so to be living in it again at this point in my life is cool. My house was just off Merriman Road, a street known for its stately mansions. Although our home was lovely, it was modest compared to the nearby estates that were the heart of this neighborhood. Most of the homes on Merriman and surrounding streets were built between 1911 and 1930 by the rubber barons of Akron; the founders and executives of Goodyear and Firestone and the many other companies that flourished and made Akron the "Rubber Capital of the World." Back then, the smaller homes were around 5,000 square feet, while the largest, Stan Hywet, built by Goodyear's founder Frank Seiberling, was 21,000. 

When I was young I'd ride my bike uke up and down Merriman Road and marvel at the incredible size of these magnificent estates. I was especially enamored by the home of Paul Litchfield, the first CEO of Goodyear who was famous for many things, but most notably his overseeing the building of the first Goodyear blimp. His mansion was named The Anchorage (seems like all the estates had names back then) and sat on the corner of Merriman and Mayfair behind a tall black iron gate to which an anchor was attached with a chain. (I need to google the significance of the anchor) Litchfield and Seiberling were good friends and the Anchorage was nicknamed Little Stan Hywet, and he entertained quite a bit there. He hosted millionaires, politicians, scholars and even Amelia Earhart. who was in Akron buying tires for her plane before her infamous flight around the world. 

Th Anchorage
The Litchfield Mansion

That house provokes a strong childhood memory. One day I came home from a bike ride and my probably 7-year-old self told my dad I wanted to marry a prince and live in one of those castles, specifically The Anchorage, someday. My dad, who started Wilson Plumbing and Heating in Akron (now in its 3rd generation) was a practical man, but he humored me as I chattered on. I knew he knew a lot about these big mansions because they all had boilers, and he was a boiler expert and had been inside so many of these homes doing work- so I asked him a lot of questions. “Who lived in these mansions?  Were they big families like ours? I never seem to see any kids around.  But they give full-size candy bars out at Halloween, and the people answering the doors all look like grandmas.” He said many of those homes only had a few people living in them. "Why do they need all that room?" I asked. I suggested we switch houses with those people, they could live in our smaller house with 2 or 3 people, and our big family of 7 could live in one of the big homes. He smiled and gently explained that if you live in a big house like that, you have a lot of rooms to heat, and that would cost a lot of money. I didn't quite get it then that people with lots of kids had far less money than people with fewer or no kids and the irony that the people who needed the big houses couldn't afford them because they had all these kids! Ha!

Scooby walking along Firestone Mansion Gate

As I walk my dog every day, I happen across another mansion right across the street. It was once the home of Harvey S Firestone, Jr, and I imagine when it was built, it was just across the field from his parents' place. This home, thankfully, was not torn down, and it still sits in all its glory, a reminder of the grandeur and history of this era of Akron. It is currently listed for sale with Sotheby's, and from the photos, it looks as though the owners have retained its historic majesty. It’s a mere 5 million, and if someone decides to turn it into apartments, I’d love to be a tenant. In the meantime, I’ll keep walking the dog.

Harvey Firestone Jr Mansion Today

Grief's Life Lessons

Click here for spoken word version of  Grief's Life Lessons

Grief.

Your brain's natural emotional response to loss, although it doesn't feel natural at all. Grief is the true emotional suffering you feel when someone or something you care about is taken from you. After a loss, grief's pain can come on so suddenly that it cuts like a knife, stabbing you when you least expect. It then can also fade to a dull throb that is just "there" somewhere in the background.

Sadly, grief is a malady for which there is no cure, but there is some respite in its lessons.

1.  Things Do Get Better...with time
After I lost my husband, I remember someone said to me that "in time...things will get better." And I was so frustrated by that. I didn't want to hear it. The pain was so strong (especially at night, when totally alone with my thoughts) that I wanted someone to just make it STOP. Right. Now. Can I hit fast forward? Can I take a pill to numb myself? Can I go to sleep and wake up in a month, or two or more and feel better? With every loss I have experienced, I know, things DO get better. Memories that used to induce tears and be so unbearable I'd push them from my mind, begin to offer comfort and bring a smile, even a laugh as I cautiously allowed them back in and fully embrace the details of an experience. To listen to that song again. To open that closet. It takes time, and although I hated that revelation, it also kept me sane knowing it would get easier.

2. Each loss is unique
When I was in college my grandma died. She was well into her 80's and I was not particularly close to her, and although I felt sad, I was surprised and even felt a bit guilty that it didn't affect me more.
The next death I experienced was the death of my beloved first dog. I had her for 12 years and although I have had many more wonderful dogs since Jessie--I still feel her absence in my life.

She was my first experience of responsibility. She depended on me. She helped me through jobs, relationships,  breakups, marriage, and kids. When I made the decision to end her pain, the memory of her head in my lap as she transitioned still makes me tear up. I think of her often, still, almost 25 years later. I remember thinking that I grieved more for that dog than I did my grandma, and feeling that was wrong. But now I get that you can grieve the loss of all kinds  Loss through the death of a person or pet. The loss of a relationship. The loss of a job. The loss of freedom may come when you experience illness, a disability or a financial crisis. The phases of shock, anger, sadness and overall emotional confusion is grieving. Don't feel you have to lessen or trivialize your feelings of grief because it doesn't match an other's loss experience. Pain is pain.

3) There is guilt in relief
With any death, there seems to always be guilt and it is unproductive, but you feel it nonetheless. The loss of my husband came after his valiant battle with cancer. When he died, it was awful, and yet I was relieved. I was relieved he was out of pain. I was relieved the difficult process of caring for him,  my kids, and working--was over. I was relieved my daughters' fear and pain watching their dad fade away was over. And there was guilt in that relief. When I watched my mom slip away from Alzheimer's... her smile, her spark, her personality and her memory of all of her kids was replaced with anxiety and fear and anger--I felt relief when she was released. And I feel guilt in that relief. The death of my dad and my brother were sudden, and that grief was so much different. It's so hard to rationalize why one loss left me shattered, for months, even years... while I seemingly recovered from another differently. I felt worse about my dog than my grandma? What were my last words? How could I have behaved differently? What could I have done better? They are gone and you are here and all you do is think and over-think. Guilt is part of the process.

Grief changes you. It can make you angry and bitter. Or more empathetic and understanding, Or both. But as painful as it is to experience, to not experience it would be worse. Because if you feel intense grief it means you felt intense love.

Grief is the price you pay for love. 

4 Things to Consider Before You Quit Your Day Job

Welcome to my blog, and accompanying podcast. If you prefer to listen rather than read, or listen and read along, click here for the podcast.

Have you ever wanted to quit your day job? I just finished my first full year of self-employment and today I want to share my thoughts on 4 things to consider before you leave a job--whether by choice or necessity. And while these might be especially applicable to my area, the radio business, some could be true of any business. First, a little background.

In mid-2018, I did what I wanted to do for a while; venture out, be my own boss, and start my own business. I wanted the flexibility to be able to get on a plane and spend time with family and friends far away when I missed them-or when they needed me. I wanted work to fit into my life, not the other way around. 

It wasn't a completely insane idea, because I had actually started a side hustle 20 years ago. I was in my 12th year as program director for WDOK in Cleveland when I decided I wanted to step away for full-time voiceover work, but back then, I had a bit of a cushion. The famed and fabulous radio consultant Mike McVay--who was our consultant (and my mentor) at the time, had recommended me as an image voice for a number of his AC client stations after hearing how I sounded on 'DOK. So armed with his recommendation, about 10 stations as clients, and a cool little home studio my husband built for me, I worked from home and had the ability to be around more for my school-aged kids. To make things even better, after I left the station, Mike asked me to join McVay Media as one of his AC specialists. But 2 years in- it happened. I got a phone call and a job offer and was lured back to radio programming because, well, quite honestly, I missed the heck out of radio, and also, financial security became a priority after my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Going back to full-time radio work in 2001 was not only good for my mental health but also my fiscal health, because within a year I was a widowed single mom and sole support of my 2 pre-teen daughters. 

I've spent years in multiple formats, the last 12 in country radio, but always wondered, "what if I had stuck with the voice imaging these past 20 years? Would I be like Roberta Solomon, Jen Sweeney or a host of other female imaging pros that I so admire now?" The itch to get back into full-time VO work just never went away. I had continued to do freelance voice work and writing projects all these years-so what if I tried it again? I mean if not now, then when, right?

So armed with probably too much confidence (um...what's that saying? "confidence is the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation?") I walked away from a well-paying gig to relaunch my career in voice-over and writing. I'm not naive, I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I would be lying if I said I was surprised at the various things that have made it so tough. 

Here are 4 points to consider before making your move.

1. You Will Be Humbled
With a VP title and the responsibility of overseeing a couple of radio stations and a staff of people reporting to me, I had a certain amount of power and privilege. That perhaps gave me an over-abundance of confidence and ego that I could do anything! On the one hand, without that confidence, I may not have made the jump...but once away from a position of authority, things change. You no longer have a staff of people looking for your direction, advice or opinion. Your phone rings less. Show biz, like any biz, is full of people who have to act like they like you to get what they need, whether it is a song played on your station, or a staff member wanting something. Now, the decisions you make affect far fewer people. Advice? Don't be a jerk. Be the person people will miss (not be relieved) when you turn in your resignation. Be the boss you'd want to report to. Be clear, honest, and fair. Be the colleague people will want to stay in touch with when you don't have any power anymore.


2. You'll Grieve
If your work was a big part of your identity, you'll miss it. Or maybe you won't. But I do. So much of what I did in my day-to-day engaged a big part of my brain's creative side. I love actively creating with other people. I loved my team. I loved brainstorming ideas for marketing, contests, and promotions, writing creative copy, and doing all this with a team of creative people. And the music! Country radio especially is known for its relationships with artists and labels. Record label reps became my friends and many artists have my cell number and they actively communicated with me on a regular basis. I miss all of that. There was pressure, sure. There were nonsense, politics and hard work...not all were creative and fun--but when you do something for so many years and then you stop, you have to know you will grieve that part of your identity. Consider and come to grips with how much of what you are is what you do.


3. Ageism is a thing-but don't let it stop you
I'm at that strange time of life. Not yet at retirement age, but closer to the end of my career than the beginning. So I get a lot of comments like "how are you enjoying retirement?" and I find it challenging to not sound defensive or aggressive when I attempt to explain that "I'm NOT retired" and in fact, I am working a lot harder for a lot less. And speaking of a less...start that process now...but I'll get to that in a moment. When you leave a job by choice or necessity, it is important to remind yourself that while you may find yourself competing with people a good bit younger than you for future opportunities, you have a wealth of experience that is incredibly valuable, so don't let your age shake your confidence. In the right situation, you can mentor someone younger, and they, in turn, can mentor you. The best work situation is a diverse one, so be proud of the experience and the knowledge you bring and USE it to your advantage.


4. Live on less. A lot less
Pretty much every financial expert out there encourages you to live well below your means, and I can't stress that enough. I saved half of every paycheck for well over a year. I set a goal of how much I would need to live on (to pay the mortgage, utilities and have some sort of disposal fun money) just in case I didn't get any clients for the first 6 months. If you have a partner who is bringing an income, whether it is less or more, live on just one income for 6 months. It's amazing when you really pay attention to where your money goes you realize how much you waste on stuff you just don't need. Even though I thought I had a grip on the finances, this past year has really taught me some financial lessons.

In closing. It's been a scary year of rebirth and growth; of exciting successes and more than a few disappointments. I thought my name, my track record and my list of accomplishments all would have people lining up as clients left and right, ha! So it's been a little harder than I thought. But I do have some great clients that I am proud to represent with my voice, and my writing skills. And I'm going to keep plugging away. 


And maybe...just maybe I have one more radio gig left in me before that elusive retirement. I guess as they say in the radio business....stay tuned!

Click to learn more about and hear demos Sue Wilson Creative

All The Ways To Give

I attended a remarkable memorial service a few months ago for a most remarkable man, and it is still affecting me. After hearing the story of this self-made billionaire and philanthropist from the many who eulogized him, it is clear that Mort Mandel fully participated in every one of his 98 years, right up to his last breath, and in doing so, enriched the lives of so many. In a quote from his 2013 book "It's All About Who" he said, "I think of the world as having a huge number of candles and only a small percentage are lit. I devoted a big part of my life to lighting as many candles as I can. To light a candle is to make the world a better place."  The things Mr. Mandel did for others went far beyond his financial generosity, and during this season of giving, his example has inspired me to think about the many ways we can light a few candles, even if we don't have the financial wherewithal of a wealthy entrepreneur. Here are some ways to give that go beyond a monetary donation.

Knowledge
Every single one of us has something we can teach someone. If you have strong communication skills, you could work with someone who struggles with social anxiety or has difficulty being “heard”. Perhaps you have killer social media skills.

Teach someone you work with how to improve their online brand.Tutor a child. Give a music lesson. The best thing about sharing knowledge is that you can give it away and still have everything you started with.

Stuff
We all have a lot of stuff that we just don't use, or need. But where to begin? There’s a very cool charity called GiveBackBox that makes it easy to donate, while being “green”. Here's a quick summary: The next time you get an Amazon delivery, save the box. Then, fill it with your unwanted items, such as gently used clothing, shoes toys, or household goods. Go to GiveBackBox and print a prepaid shipping label. Attach the label to your box and drop it at a UPS store -or wherever you ship your items, and off it goes to make a difference in the life of another person. Find out more HERE

Time
There are so many wonderful organizations in your community that need help. If you love animals you can walk dogs or cuddle with kittens in your free time. Stuff envelopes, file, or help with administrative duties in the office of a non-profit you believe in. Serve food at a local food pantry. If you need ideas, this website Northeast Ohio Family Fun has a ton of volunteer suggestions.

Blood
Blood donations can help save people's lives. Right now, in the time you are reading this, someone, somewhere is greatly in need of blood. It truly is the gift of life.

Visit The American Red Cross to learn more about blood donation.

Share (the love)Facebook has a wonderful Fundraiser feature that lets you raise money for your favorite non-profit and makes it easy for your friends to just click and donate--with money going straight to the charity. You can also use Go Fund Me or other free crowd-sourcing sites to raise money for your own cause--maybe you know of a family that needs help with medical bills or perhaps you learn of another worthy cause. Once you set it up, you can use any one of the many social media platforms to spread the word. Pay It Forward For Pets.

This organization does tremendous work to improve the lives of pets--and people! One of my particular favorites is a wonderful local animal welfare non-profit,

Whether through money, time, or talent, may we all be inspired light a few candles to spread whatever light we can, for as long as we can.

The Great Downsize... and How We Did It

There are many articles that boast the mental health benefits of being grateful, and how helpful it is to actively think of, and even write down things you are thankful for on a daily basis. This morning, at the top of my grateful list, is the recent simplification of our lifestyle. My husband and I made a huge change 2 months ago. We moved from just under 3000 SF of living space into a cozy 2 bedroom condo, measuring in at just under 1000. I had lived in the home we just left for 17 years. When Tim moved in 5 plus years ago from his large family home, he added lots of his to mine, so, yeah...the ours was a lot to sort through to get ready for the downsize.

I began mentally and physically de-cluttering well before we listed the house. It was a process that began long before Marie Kondi's method of Tidying Up became all the rage. There were a few "ah ha" moments that got the process rolling. As our kids moved out and into their own places, we found there were rooms in our home we didn't enter for weeks or months at a time. We lived in what amounted to a condo-size part of our house: the kitchen and family room, our bedroom and bathroom. When we'd visit our kids or go on vacation and be in a smaller space for awhile, I realized how relaxed I felt; how little space, and how few items we really needed in our every day lives. When we returned home...I'd find myself wandering through the rooms we didn't use, and opening closets full of clothes and other stuff the kids left behind. I looked at the pretty knick-knacks I somehow acquired through the curio cabinet glass, and thought of the basement crawl space below me -full of things I hadn't looked at in years. I knew there were boxes of kids artwork, photos, toys and costumes, and lots of un-reconciled items that once belonged to our late spouses. It all had become quite overwhelming. Finally, I thought about how hard it was to clean out our parents' homes after they died, and how I didn't want to leave that job for our kids.

Years ago, I was inspired by the writings of Leo Balboa, author of the book The Power Of Less and also his blog Zen Habits. But it was the podcast The Minimalists and the philosophies of Josh and Ryan that really motivated me to want to start the process of living a more meaningful life with less. The interesting thing is, when you talk about minimizing, its sounds as though living with less is some kind of a sacrifice, and that in simplifying and de-cluttering, you are getting rid of your possession and depriving yourself of things. But it really is just the opposite. As I discovered, it's not about having less, but making room for more. One of my favorite quotes from Josh and Ryan is that "Minimalism is the thing that gets us past the things so we can make room for life’s important things—which aren’t things at all!" 

We started the process thoughtfully. Our kids took the things important to them and gave us permission to do what we wanted with what was left behind. We made sure they each took those things that had meaning to them or memories from their parents. We carefully selected the items we wanted to move with us, and those left behind we offered to family members, sold on marketplace, or donated. We sold the house and moved into a place that not only was significantly smaller, but significantly less expensive, so that we would reduce our monthly expenses significantly. 

After spending time in Portland, OR visiting one of our kids, we discovered the joy of a "walking neighborhood." Portland has a number of these, and we love being able to walk to boutique shops, great restaurants, wine bars, breweries, parks and grocery stores all within blocks of one another. We wanted to find something like that here in our hometown, and have come pretty close in our new neighborhood.  Our condo complex is a quaint and homey community-built in the early 1970's with a New England charm. It's less than a mile to Highland Square's Mustard Seed and other cool places when you head one direction, and in the other, a Whole Foods and Tim's work. Because we don't have a fenced-in yard anymore, we walk our dogs 3 to 4 times daily, and while that isn't always pleasant in cold weather, we are all healthier for it!  

I'm not sure that this is our forever home, but I do know than any move after this will be much easier. It's funny how it seems like we spend the first half of our lives acquiring stuff, and the second half  getting rid of it! But it sure feels like I've gained more by having a little less; and for that, I'm grateful.

Our lovely and larger home

Our cozy condo

Lessons In Perseverance from Tiger Woods

In 2019 Tiger Woods won golf's most prestigious tournament: the Master, pulling off one of the most incredible comebacks in sports history. Incredible because after reaching the highest pinnacle of professional and personal success, including 14 major titles from 1997 to 2008 and plenty of additional PGA accolades, he was a rock star on and off the course and considered by many to be the GOAT in the sport. 

Then, it all fell apart. After his last win in 2008, the injuries began to pile up. In 2010, while he officially still held the number one title, he had to withdraw from the Players Championship due to an inflamed facet joint in his neck. In 2011, with a sprain in his left knee and an Achilles tendon injury he still finished 4th at The Masters. And it goes on. Injury after injury, 5 back surgeries, years of rehab. For 11 years he just kept showing up to train and to play and not win...after nothing but winning. Add to that an infidelity scandal that ended his marriage, talk of addiction to prescription drugs and a DUI arrest. He was vilified in the media. Every attempt at a comeback during the 11 years seems to go nowhere. It seemed the public and the game of golf counted him out.  

But Tiger kept showing up. 

How many others have shown that level of perseverance? How many others would have slunk away into oblivion amidst the constant media criticism and scrutiny. But he kept trying. He just kept showing up. 

Tiger broke barriers. When he was young, blacks weren't even allowed on most golf courses or clubs, so to be a man of color and win so many championships was incredible enough. But to see him win again after so many trials makes it all the sweeter. People often love to see stars fall, and so many judged him for the mistakes he made in his personal life. It's pretty mind-boggling how the public descends on the famous and revels in their failures. I guess because it makes great headlines. Many "regular folk" have professional failures or lie and cheat on their spouse, but the famous are hung out to dry and held to an unfairly high standard. 

I'm not a golfer.- I actually think it is the most boring game ever. But I am a fan of Tiger Woods, the game's most famous (and infamous) player. He is the GOAT in the game of golf, but I believe his greatest legacy goes well beyond the game. 

Tiger's comeback offers these lessons of hope   

• That you can face a health challenge and come out on the other side and even stronger 

• Your mindset is crucial. After his comeback win In an interview with CNN Tiger said: “I did think this day would come. I knew I had it in me.” His positive outlook and total belief that he would made it happen.

• Perseverance pays: Tiger never gave up. He committed himself yo daily practice, training, and rehab. He used every set back as motivation. 

• Don't let the fear of failure and criticism stop you.  He played tournaments for those 11 years with no wins.  No one thought he'd ever make a comeback. He used that as an impetus to silence the naysayers 

• An encore career is possible, even if we think all ur successes might be behind us. 

Comebacks are possible...if you just keep showing up.

A Tribute To Radio; An Ever-Changing Medium

Today is National Radio Day. It is especially poignant for me as this is the first time in my carer that I have not been officially employed by a radio station. But my passion for, and belief in the medium is still strong, even though I recognize the many challenges radio faces in 2018.

Having a view from the sidelines, however, has given me some objectivity.

When I was young, I had 3 sources of electronic entertainment: radio, television and my personal collection (records/tapes then CDs). TV was a shared experience where everyone watched the same thing and my parents picked the show. Radio, however, was very intimate and one-on-one. I was in control. I had a small transistor when I was very young and when I got older I treasured my full scale stereo system, which included my FM receiver, because always included in my musical experience, no matter what else came along, was radio.

Radio was my source for new music discovery. After hearing a song I liked on the radio, and learning all about it from my favorite DJ,  I'd go out an buy the album.

Listening to the radio, and listening to songs in my collection went hand in hand. They complimented each other. I never thought of them as being competitive. If I didn't have radio, I'd have never have heard the songs I ended up buying. Because my collection wasn't mobile and a radio was, I'd listen to the radio everywhere I went, in the car, at work and at home. Although I'd spend hours listening to my vinyl, I would still love to hear my favorite songs, or brand new ones "curated"  into a playlist that came out of my FM radio. Those stations and their playlists and the air personalities who "schooled me" on music became a soundtrack for for the many seasons of my life.

Clearly, the radio industry has changed dramatically. For anyone under 30, radio might be one, (hopefully is still one) of many sources to find audio at the touch of a button, and mostly in the car. But it will never be as it was because the technology surrounding it has made it only one of  multiple sources for music and media.

While I still love radio, and am nostalgic for those memories of my youth, I admit,  I consume most of my music through the many digital platforms available to me. Because there are so many sources to find great music uninterrupted by commercials, I tend to curate my own lists. But what I miss in these DSP's is the information I'd get between the songs, and I believe the one way radio can remain relevant is to return to that part of what made radio great: intimacy, one-one-one communication, and, in a word: personality. Radio's more music less talk strategy may have been relevant before Spotify and Pandora, but much less so now. because there is NO talk on these streaming services.

In short, we need to bring back talk between the songs. More music less talk is not a viable position on over the air radio anymore because radio cannot compete in that area. MORE talk, (of the right kind, of course) not less is what may bring people back to radio. Personalities that keep you company. Personalities that inform, entertain, console, educate and overall, just serves that role of a companion.

Personalities are emerging, however, on YouTube and other video streaming platforms. Personalities are becoming stars via a podcasts. NPR has, through its podcasts, extended it's brand well beyond its airwaves. While radio chose to eliminate much of its local focus for syndicated air talent to cut costs due to the overwhelming debt caused by conglomeration, online services are quietly filling the void becoming the "farm team" for talent that local radio once was. Don't get me wrong, no one can argue the talent and entertainment value of nationally syndicated  shows like Howard Stern, Bobby Bones, Ryan Seacrest and their predecessors like Casey Kasem, Rick Dees or Paul Harvey...but those stars of the past  may not be coming from radio or TV in the future.

I'm not so nostalgic for old radio that I think we need to completely return to the way it was done way back when, but as far as personality and locality, I think we can learn a lot from the mistakes of deregulation to help turn this ship around.

I Admit It, I'm a Slacktivist

Slacktivism is a relatively new term  for "feel-good" measures in support of an issue or social cause that doesn't take much effort. And I feel a little called out as I read more about this phenomenon. I mean, isn't it  good that I sign an internet petition? Share a social media post on a subject I feel is important? Well, yeah, but when it it not followed by action on my part, I become a slacker. 

Social media can be exhausting- especially for a diplomatic/empath/people-pleaser personality type like me  Whether in the expression of  an opinion, or sharing information about something I care about regarding politics, religion, the environment or saving animals; taking a position on something that some in my social media (or daily life) world will disagree with can be, well uncomfortable. 

And really, why bother? Does sharing an opinion, an article or an issue that stirs debate really accomplish anything?

I hope so. 

I want the world to see and feel and understand the horrific cruelty of factory farming, and I want it to stop. But the discomfort it causes spreading the word would cause me to lose "friends". I recognize my white privilege and know my experience in my skin color is completely different and less negative than so many persons of color, and I believe taking a knee is a perfectly fine way to express protest, and know that expressing that opinion as the football season approaches will cause more "debates".  I think Trumpism has been terrible and our country is more divided than I've ever seen in my lifetime. From his immature tweets, to his policies that have separated families at the border, I don't like a lot of what is going on, and  I want to to do something about it. I want to say something about it, I want to find like-minded people who will help me champion a cause about it. But my non-confrontational personality makes any form of activism a challenge for me.

A few months ago, I told my daughter, Elise Cordle Kennedy, that I needed to take a break from social media because I needed to protect my mental health. What she said made me both proud and ashamed. Proud of her; ashamed of me, for my slacktivism. 

She said, "I think we have both an opportunity and a duty to not sit down and stay quiet. There are so many people who are not given the privilege to "sit it out and take a hiatus" from the daily rigor of injustice and persecution that they live. It has been easy to sit down and stay quiet for a long time on so many things: poverty, racial injustice, global warming, international rights for women, LGTBQ discrimination, but the time for staying quiet has long passed; thankfully so. We cannot afford to stay quiet, much like we cannot afford to not participate in our electoral system, much like we cannot afford to patronize businesses run by bigots or jingoists, or the factory farm industry, or the unending list of cruelties and businesses that can no longer be tolerated. We need voices of tenacity, intelligence and stamina, because the fools and charlatans will never be quiet."

Wow. How did she get so smart? So brave. Elise is now studying policy and working toward a Master's Degree where she can fight for change when she believes it's needed. I think I'd like to change the world and step out a bit of my comfort zone...but then reel it back in because I feel I'm not that brave.  And I can't debate in the harsh style that so many others who may not be smarter than me but are a lot more confident....and a lot louder. 

History's biggest change agents probably weren't very popular. Those women who were jailed and beaten so that I'd have the right to vote probably didn't get invited to the cotillion. Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr, Gloria Steinem , Jenny McCarthy, Cesar Chavez- I bet they were/are pretty intense and maybe not a whole lot of fun at a party as they were out there changing the world with opinions many don't agree with....fighting for  civil rights, women's rights HUMAN rights! But where would the world be without them?

I have a friend who speaks out openly on social media and beyond. It has cost her in relationships, and social media 'friends'. I don't always agree on her style, but I usually agree with her position and commend her passion. I think there needs to be some sort of diplomacy even with those we disagree with the most...to accomplish change. If I, for example, I am dealing with a  racist, sexist, homophobic human being, and that person is in power, I might have to work hard to learn something about what motivates them, find a common ground point to  then be in a position where they might be open to a change in opinion...or at least a lean toward the middle. Sometimes that can sway a vote...and move the needle. 

I am going to try to do more to get outside of my comfort zone in a way that I hope I can slack less,  and act more over the causes I believe in, whether it's for a candidate, a law that needs changed to protect the environment, or saving puppies, kittens or turtles. 

And whether sharing an opinion on social media really makes a difference...well I guess that is for another online debate.

10 People Who Reinvented Their Lives After 50

During my years on the radio as a morning personality, one of my favorite features was a segment where we celebrated accomplishments and shared good news happening in people’s lives. Amidst the stories of good grades, new babies, home runs, and surprise engagements, one story still stands out to me.

A woman who just turned 60 was graduating with her Master’s Degree. It took her about 2 years to do it, and she admitted that going back to school later in life was scary. When asked about her motivation, she said she figured the time was going to move on anyway, and if she did nothing, she’d still be two years older, so why not be two years older with a degree that would help her reinvent herself?

Many look at their 50’s and 60’s as a time to prepare for retirement, and there is certainly nothing wrong with that. But others still feel that they have much to do and much to give. After decades of learning and developing skills...now could be the best time for you to put those skills to use.

Think you are too old to fulfill a dream? Change careers? Reinvent yourself? Here are 10 people who will inspire you and make you realize it is never too late.

1. Grandma Moses, aka Anna Mary Robertson Moses, began her career as a painter at 76, when her arthritis made it too hard to continue her embroidery hobby. She completed over 400 works of art over the next 25 years until her death at the age of 101 and is considered one of our country’s greatest American Folk artists.
2. Duncan Hines wrote his first book, a food and hotel guide, at 55. At 73, he licensed his name for the cake mixes you see at every grocery store. 
3. Laura Ingalls Wilder published her first book when she was 65 and then completed 12 in her Little House on the Prairie series by the time she died. 
4. Harland Sanders had many business failures and was broke at the age of 65. He tried one more time and sold his first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise. 
5. Julia Child began her first cooking show on PBS at the age of 51.
6. Peter Roget started keeping lists of words as a young man but didn’t publish his Roget’s Thesaurus until he was 73.
7. Nelson Mandela was elected president of South Africa in 1993. He was 75
8. Dr. Ruth was 52 when she delivered a lecture, which led to a radio talk show called "Sexually Speaking." The show was a hit, and she became a nationally recognized authority on sex via that syndicated radio show.
9. Charles Darwin was 50 when he published On the Origin of the Species in 1859. 
10. Ronald Reagan was a famous actor in younger years but decided to switch careers and run for his first elected public office--at 55. The rest, as they say, is history.

If you ever wanted to do something different, launch a new career, start a new business, change the world (or at least a little part of it) ... how old is too old?

Never.

Start today.

Inspiration for this piece came from my friend Tony Agnesi as well as articles on these blogs and sites:

www.inc.com 
OverFiftyandOutofWork 

Mental Floss

A Question That Changed Christmas For Me

About 5 years ago, my daughter asked me a question, and although I certainly didn't expect my answer to be that profound, it actually changed the way I  looked at gift giving from that point forward.

Let me first say that I love Christmas. It's always been my favorite time of the year. Although I was raised Catholic --the religious aspect was, and still is, only a small part of my Christmas spirit. Christmas has always been magical for me. There is a spirituality that extends beyond any one religion, and represents a time when we are reminded that there really should be peace on earth and good will toward humankind. And the eternal hope that there still can be.

I am the youngest of 7, and my mom always made Christmas special. Looking back, I recall there being way too many gift under the tree, but that isn't the memory I cling to. While I suppose I believed that Santa would bring gifts that could make everyone happy, for me it was never about the presents but the gifts. The gift of delicious food. The gift of watching my dad carve the turkey. Of my mom's apple pies. Of having my brothers and sisters around me. The gift of feeling loved.  In fact, as I got older and started my family, I tried to replicate the gift-giving part for my own family and  found the holidays becoming stressful for me. And then there was a realization that it must have been really stressful for my parents hit me once I had kids of my own.

So back to that question my daughter asked me: "Mom, do you remember any of the gifts you received last Christmas?" I had to think long and hard. And I was embarrassed that I could not. She then pointed out that every year we spend far too much money and time getting stressed about gifts, and that isn't what Christmas should be about. She said that as a new mom and living states away, the best gift was being home. And with airfare, getting him was the best gift. Plus, although she wanted  to make Christmas special for her son, she didn't want him focused on the consumerism that Christmas had turned into. I was proud that she, and my other daughter too, felt the best memories from childhood were laughing, cooking, eating, playing board games, and watching Christmas movies. So we all agreed we'd scale back on the gift buying, although we still spoiled my grand son--just a little!

Now we haven't completely stopped giving gifts--but the gifts we give now are mindful. We give gifts of time and experiences. Gifts that are practical. If you can't use it, wear it, eat it or do it--we won't buy it. No more impractical "stuff" to sit on a shelf and not get used. We've also incorporated giving gifts that have true meaning--gifts for the greater good. And one of those is making a donation to a worthy cause.

This year, there are so many who will  not be celebrating Christmas as they did last year because their home was destroyed by the devastation of a hurricane. Every night, in any given city, there is a home fire. As a board member for the Red Cross of Summit, Portage and Medina Counties, I've seen first-hand the work the Red Cross does on a local and national level. This holiday season if you'd like to  give a gift that really means something, you can visit The Red Cross Store  and select a symbolic gift  for someone on your list. The gift is tax-deductible and will support Red Cross programs like Disaster Services, Service to the Armed Forces, Blood Services and International Services. 

A gift like this will make you feel just like Mr. Scrooge did  when he woke up --giddy on Christmas morning -knowing he was going to make so many people's lives better. And that's what the Christmas spirit is all about.

Shades of Gray

The world is so black and white these days. I'm looking for shades of gray. It used to be, a compromise was a wonderful word and the key to a good relationship. Whether with a friend, coworker, or life partner, one person leaning in a little and the other doing the same to somehow find some common ground was a good thing.

In today's political climate, it seems compromise is considered a dirty word; a sign of weakness. Compromise is gray in a world of black and white.

There's a great deal I don't like about what's going on in my country and I gave up thinking my expressing an opinion on social media or anywhere else would change anyone's mind. But I'm not gonna lie--I have changed my mind on a lot of things over time. I've been black on white on issues I'm now gray on. When faced with conversation from people with a differing view, who present facts I hadn't considered or experiences I have never had opens my mind and softens my position ... I won't be shamed for that. Angry keyboard warriors call a politician who has changed their position a flip-flopper, but if you flip-flopped because you were wrong, and admit it--I think that's a sign of strength, not weakness.

Every day on social media I see these keyboard warriors shaming others. The far left and the far right pontificators are the most represented in social ( and all ) media, and in fact, as we learn of paid propaganda ads and fake news from Russia, I'm starting to think social is the problem-not media. All of us and our shades of gray cower...not wanting to offend or get a fight started on our walls. The sane among us are left in the dust.

I did not vote for Donald Trump, and find his brand offensive and destructive to our society. But I want to understand why people hold a different opinion than I do. And I think we need to elect politicians who aren't afraid to do the same. We need bridge builders. I regularly converse with a friend who holds vastly different political views than I.  On the subject of how this president got elected she said-- "we need to understand many did not vote FOR Trump. They voted AGAINST everything our political system has turned into." Proving that it can be done--we always have great discussions. We listen and end up realizing how much we agree on. It's amazing how two women can solve the world's problems on a walk in the park.

The taking a knee protest is another issue that seems as divisive as the election. Like Hillary vs Trump there is no middle ground. No gray. If you agree with a person's right to take a knee you are anti-American, disrespect the flag and the military. If you don't think taking a knee is an appropriate way to protest, you are a close-minded racist. So many see the other's view as not only wrong--but unforgivable.

The most compelling opinions I've heard that have helped form my view on this subject are people who have had experiences I have not had. They are 1) black or 2) veterans. Every person I know who is offended by black athletes taking a knee is white. While those who accept the protest are of mixed races, creeds, and ages.

The veterans that support the protest say it not an assault on the flag, but instead,  an example of the rights they fought for to peacefully protest an injustice that happens in the country our flag represents.

I don't live in black skin. I understand that just by being born white, I simply don't know what it feels like to be teased on the playground because of my color, or my accent. I don't know what it feels like to be a black mom or dad having to explain to my pre-teen why he puts himself in danger if he wears that hoodie outside on the street...why people may cross the street if they see him walking by with a group of his friends. Or why him running around wielding a stick on a playground or park could have different consequences for him than it would a white boy. My black colleague once described his fear of being pulled over, the thoughts that went through his mind seeing blue lights behind him. How to talk, where to place his hands, what would happen to him if he stepped out of the car. Was there a robbery nearby? Does he fit a description? I simply don't know that fear. My experience being pulled over has been that of a cute white girl talking herself out of a ticket. The learning to drive "tips" I gave my kids are a lot different than the ones my black friends are giving their teens. I have had an advantage--yes "privilege" that I did nothing to earn. I just was born. Not being black, asian, brown or what is now called "other" on the census form, I cannot know the experience of a person of color.

So now, football, of all things,  has given us an opportunity for dialogue... an opportunity to try to see another view. An opportunity to build a bridge. And a white girl like me saying black athletes shouldn't use a venue where all of America is watching to protest seems...well, to be proving their point.

I believe conservatives and liberals, straights and gays, blacks, browns and whites, and persons of all faiths need to find some gray and not be ashamed to put a listener, a negotiator, one who compromises---a LEADER  in the White House in the next election.

Talkin' Bout My Generation

NPR had a piece recently on social media's depiction in the romantic comedy genre. Not since "You've Got Mail" in 1998 has there been a movie that successfully tackled the subject. Yet, over 30% of marriages today are a result of an online meeting. Far higher for online dating.

The story went on to say that they can't get a screenplay on this subject produced, because most people approving concepts and scripts are 50 and older men. Most of these decision-makers were married around 1986 and by the time they were going into a second marriage in 1998 they were rich enough that they didn't need to use technology to meet a partner. If they don't get it, believe in it, haven't experienced it, or fall into the "negative stigma of online dating" camp, they won't approve it, this piece concluded.

I thought about the men my age, mid 50's and how that transcended to my business: radio and music. In the music business, mostly men run radio stations, and make programming and music decisions about what even female targeted stations want to hear on the radio. Most record labels also have men in the top decision-making positions as CEO's presidents, etc.

I work in country radio. For years the format has had an inordinate number of male acts worked to radio as compared to women, probably a 12-1 ratio at any given time over the past 8-10 years. When I talk with mainly female artists and record reps, they express frustration over the fact that male acts get signed at this ratio, and even once signed, they get worked more often and with more passion than the female artists. Most of the time, the decision on which single is shipped to radio is also made by men. One rep told me she and the other women reps who really believe in one of the female artists they were working begged their male bosses to release a different single. They felt that these guys were consistently picking the wrong ones...and sure enough, the song selected failed to make traction.

There's no doubt that the male-oriented version of the country format has been successful. No one can argue the appeal and success of Luke Bryan, Keith Urban, Jason Aldean, Eric Church and tons of newbies. But there have also been plenty of failures. Because there are more men signed to labels, there has been more male acts that haven't made it.  It's a matter of numbers. I just wish there would be more risk taken on female acts, similar to the pop world. The more women signed to labels, the more women you'd hear on the radio, the more hits there would be. It, too is a matter of numbers.

So why aren't more women getting signed to country labels and being worked to country radio? There seem to be no easy answers.

I've heard for years (from men) that "women don't like to listen to other women". To that logic, women wouldn't be dominating the charts or sales in pop music, which also targets women. These comments are disturbingly similar to the line of thinking in this article from 2015. It's a frustrating portrait of the inequity, sexism and the downright verbal assault women have endured in the entertainment business alone.  Can you imagine male-based industries like banking, auto, or tech?  And people are surprised at stories about Bill Cosby or Fox News Roger Ailes?

I know I will sound like a male-bashing feminist but I think it's time for many of the 55-70 year old men to step aside and move women into more decision-making roles about what women want to hear and watch on the radio and in movies.  It may take awhile before a woman is the CEO of a label or film-making company,  but perhaps if more women were in these roles, country radio may sound different; and maybe the line-up of movies would also look different. I don't know....

I recently asked a group of younger women in my circle their opinion on women in music, what they like listening to.  These late 20 early 30-something women were in agreement that they wanted to be represented. While they love fun party-songs on the radio, they also want to hear their "voice" represented. They want to hear a woman singing about things they are living, thinking, feeling and experiencing, and there is very little of that in today's country music. They find those songs in pop radio and online, but think of country as the fun party-format.

Speaking as a 50 plusser myself I had Joni Mitchell, Carly Simon, Bonnie Raitt  and Carole King to name only a few,  as my voice.  I know there are plenty of talented women with a voice and something to say out there, and they are being discovered online rather than on the radio.

As for me, I know I've been luckier than many women in my business. I've worked for mostly private companies with forward thinking men at the helm, who have allowed me and others on my team to make decisions we felt best for our target audience. I'm now at the point in my life and career where I hope I can use my years of experience to mentor, advise, and encourage those coming behind, as we have the invaluable insight only living through these experiences can give.

The Gift, or Curse of Being an Empath

I went through a stage of more than a year with very little TV watching. I canceled cable and limited my news consumption. When I decided to stick my big toe back in, we got a smart TV so that I could be mindful of my viewing selections. I began watching very specific shows available on-demand, from recommendations from friends and family. But that experience, too, has grown dark for me. Clearly, I can't "take" what others can. I get easily stressed and upset by so much of what I am exposed to. What's wrong with me?

After a great deal of self-reflection, research, life-experience, and some therapy, I have learned there is a name my my personality type. I am an empath, and can be deeply affected, even obsessively so, with things I have viewed, read about, learned of or experienced. That explains why watching the news, a show, documentary or movie with a storyline of injustice, terror, or violence affects me so deeply. When watching a disturbing scene, especially if it involves children or animals, I literally feel it, physically in the pit of my stomach, and then often have dreams (nightmares) and then feel torn about the dilemma of burying my head in the sand or facing harsh realities. Once I have learned first-hand of some kind of injustice, I feel faced with a decision: now that I know...what do I do? Then I feel guilt when I do nothing. Or if I do something, it's never enough.

I remember when I was young, the mini-series Roots affected me deeply, watching a 17 year-old Kunta Kinte being kidnapped from his village and taken to a Virginia plantation and mercilessly whipped while they demanded he accept his new slave-name left me crying and gave me nightmares for weeks (actually years). Another mini-series about the Holocaust, again, was important for me to see from a historical and educational perspective. But I watched with a sick feeling the entire time, fearful of what would happen next...imaging how I would feel to be in their place. Many a date or movie lover in my life would get annoyed with me because I don't like going to a movie in a theatre, because if a difficult scene comes up I can't escape. I've heard many times: "it's just a movie" or, "you know this didn't really happen...these are actors" by annoyed people who can't seem to understand why I just can't watch certain things.

Movies or a series rooted in history that tell a story that needs to be told are important. Documentaries showing a hidden camera view of inside a factory farm confirmed my decision to stop eating meat. As hard as those stories were for me to learn about, I believe that starting at a certain age of maturity watching a well-produced educational documentary or a replay of a series like Roots or the Holocaust may open the minds and hearts of our young people. The history of humanity needs to be taught, in order for there to be any chance it may not repeat itself.

Now that I have discovered this gift, or curse, it explains the things that have always happened to me. There are times I have met people, whether on a plane, at a social event or in a grocery store line where within minutes people begin to tell me things. I often avoid conversations with people if I'm not up to it completely because I can't just make small talk. People just open up to me. I've heard many times, "I don't know why I told you that. I've never told anyone that and I barely know you." I feel an energy coming from someone (positive or negative) and I have learned to trust those instincts. More than one person has told me that when they walk into my house there is a healing energy.

But the dark side of empathy is that feeling so deeply can be draining. I often don't want to believe what I am instinctively feeling about someone. I know when people are lying. I get a sense when something is happening to a friend or loved one and I call them and sure enough, they are sick, or sad or something. I can easily become entrenched in the drama of someone going through a rough time and I try to take on their problems. Then, it deeply affects me. I have been called "too sensitive" or a "pleaser" because I like to keep the negative energy to a minimum.

When I became a new mom I was tormented by any bad news item pertaining to kids. An episode of Criminal Minds now freaks me out, because, well, they pull the story lines from somewhere, don't they? What if someone tried to do this to my child? My loved one? I have colleagues and acquaintances who are hunters and I try to understand--but I can't imagine pointing a gun at a living creature (unless it was self defense) shooting it to watch it fall and then celebrating that death with a smiling photo over the still-warm, not quite dead creature. An trophy hunting a beautiful lion, elephant or bear?

I. Can't. Even.

I have concluded that while many of what has affected me most was important for me to see, hear, read, or somehow experience to make me the person I am, as it changed my life perspective;  moving forward, limiting my exposure to such things is in the best interest of my sanity.

If you wonder if you are an empath, I have put a list of characteristics that you may or may not relate to. Some of these are from my own experience and from many online resources, including this one

You may be an empath if you:

• Often feel fatigued, exhausted or ‘heavy’ inside.
• Find it intensely painful to watch or read about cruelty, torture, violence or tragedy
• Experience a strong Friday relief and a deep Sunday night blues due to anxiety of work or school 
• Take on guilt easily, even for things you didn't do
• Are conflict averse and try hard to keep the peace
• Find it hard to relax until others are happy
• Are often the "go-to" for emotional support to those in need 
• People tend to easily open up to, and confide in, you. 
• Can easily “read” other people. 
• Can pick up when someone is hiding something or lying. 
• Are deeply affected by the emotions of others and these emotions often linger in the form of obsessive thoughts 
• Often feel unexplainably moody, or physically ill after spending time with certain people or in certain places 
• Have excellent intuitive abilities. You often just know things, or can pick up a hidden nature of a person. 
• Often put others needs and happiness above your own
• Are a good listener 
• Feel really good when those you care about feel good, and really bad when things are feeling bad 
• Are driven to support the underdog, downcast or emotionally crippled 
• Have a deep love for nature and animals 
• Are creative, solitary and spiritual 

If you relate to most of what is on this list. You are not alone.